he felt him thicken, as he felt him spill. His breathing was hitched as Jude held him close, and it felt like a short eternity before the man’s hands loosened enough that he could drop to the side.
The silence was profound, almost terrifying. The first time they’d done this, Jude had rejected him with a cutting word and a perfunctory kiss, telling him under no circumstances was the sex supposed to mean anything. And he was preparing himself for that now, even though every fiber of his being wanted more.
He let out a small breath when a warm hand touched the small of his back, and he turned his head so he could see Jude properly. The man was on his side, his cheeks flushed so ruddy that Kicks could see freckles dusting across his skin. He reached out, not really thinking, and traced a line from one to the other.
“You were amazing,” Jude said. “That was so much more than the first time.”
Kicks blinked, winced because something in his eye socket was irritating the lid again, but he still felt a jolt of warm surprise as he reached a hand up to rub at the prosthetic. “It was definitely longer.”
Jude rolled his eyes. “Do feelings make you uncomfortable, Emilio?”
With a huff, Kicks turned his head again, digging his thumb under his eyelid, and he popped the eye out and set it on the nightstand. He felt his lid lower over the implant, and there was almost immediate relief from whatever had gotten in there. He twitched, unsure if he should turn back, but he felt Jude run a touch up his spine, then nudge his shoulder.
“I’m not asking for a proposal. I hope you know that.” Jude’s hesitant voice shattered the tension between them.
Kicks turned his face and frowned. “What?”
“I just…” Jude shrugged and rolled his gaze toward the ceiling. “If you’re worried I’m going to be clingy.”
At that, Kicks scoffed and pushed up on his elbows, narrowing his eye at the man beside him. “You gave me the wham, bam, thank you ma’am at the cabin.”
Jude stared at him. “I didn’t.”
Kicks couldn’t help his laugh as he dropped back down and buried his face in the pillow. “Yeah, you did. You were like, hey thanks for the great shag,” he affected a terrible English accent, “now piss off and let me be.” He turned his head back at the sound of Jude’s laughter and found the man holding a hand over his mouth.
“I did, didn’t I?”
“And when we were at Wolfe House, you slept with me, but you barely looked at me.” Kicks shrugged, sobering a little as he shoved one arm under the pillow to prop his head up. “I mean, it was fine. We were strangers. But I wasn’t the one who…you know. Wasn’t interested.”
Jude swallowed thickly, his hand hovering like he wanted to reach over and touch Kicks again, but he held back. “I want to be sorry, but the situation was so…”
“It’s fine,” Kicks interrupted in a rush. He didn’t want an apology. He didn’t know what the fuck he wanted from his man. He just knew that no one had ever made him feel like this before. No one knew how to shatter him, but keep him all in one piece.
“It’s not fine.” Jude pushed up a little, then shifted over and laid one hand on Kicks’ cheek. His thumb stroked along his short beard, then he leaned in, and he kissed him slow and so sweet it was almost painful. “I wasn’t letting myself think about anything but Eliah’s safety. But when I was waiting in the lobby for you—when I wasn’t sure how injured you were…” He trailed off and took a breath. “I felt something then. And I realized I’ve spent most of my past living between moments of worry for my brother, and that wasn’t any kind of life to have.”
Kicks shifted and pulled Jude close, careful of his knee as he gently dragged it to rest between his thighs. The position was the most intimate he’d ever been in before, and he felt their soft cocks between them—a small, erotic sort of thing. “This isn’t a life you can just make do with. It’s why I’ve never bothered trying to connect with anyone. I knew that going in—when Smokey patched me in, when he named me Road Captain. I knew this shit was going to have to come first.”
“I think I know what you mean,” Jude said with