and I’m a little worried they’re gonna find Hydra before Smokey does.”
Jude’s brows furrowed. “Why does that matter?”
“Because more than anyone, I think Smokey and Nate need that closure. I’m hoping I get time to convince Jax and Reaver that Smokey should be the one to take him out.” Kicks rubbed at his eye, then dropped his hand to the cushion between them and slid his fingers until they touched Jude’s. “I don’t want to talk about this shit with you, though. You don’t need this.”
Jude stared at him a long time. “I’m still working on how to reconcile who I am with…all of this,” he admitted. “I’ve spent most of my life teaching others that life is precious. All life.” He stopped and gave a small, wry grin. “Almost all life.”
Kicks adored how honest he was. “So, like I said…”
Jude shook his head, stopping his words. “I don’t want you to hide the pieces of who you are from me unless you have to. I can’t fully exist here if I can’t give you all of me. And if I can’t take all of you.”
Kicks’ heart sped up in fear, because it almost sounded like he was saying he wasn’t sure he could be here with him for good. “Are you…”
Jude leaned in and kissed him, long and slow and hot and perfect. He felt Jude’s fingers brush his cheeks, then trail down to curl around the back of his neck, and he heard him breathe in deep. “I just need time, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Kicks shuddered with relief, then grabbed Jude and gently eased him over his lap. His legs stretched out to protect his knee, and it wasn’t ideal, but the weight of him felt perfect.
He kissed Jude again, in a slow, lazy way with no destination. He realized he was utterly and completely content to do this. He wanted more—of course, he wanted more. He wanted to be stripped down and owned. But he also was happy to get absolutely and utterly lost in Jude’s quiet, unassuming control.
21
Jude had convinced himself that Emilio’s homecoming was going to be hot, heavy, and consuming. It had only been two days, but it felt like two weeks. The visceral relief of looking up and seeing him in the doorway was enough to bring him to his knees, if he hadn’t already been on his back, and the press of his lips was everything Jude had imagined it to be.
Only. It wasn’t. Not exactly. Emilio was clearly exhausted, hungry, and a little on edge. He kissed Jude with a desperation that had only a little bit to do with how much he wanted the other man, but he assumed the rest was a relief to have come home to find everything as it was supposed to be.
A part of him had spent the time that Emilio was gone imagining the other man walking through the door and telling him that none of this was worth it. He was a private sort of person, and he realized how much when Aaron told him how often Emilio let people in his house. Which was essentially never. Even when he had Maddie over, Gunner and Logan never stayed long.
He spent time with his brothers in common spaces for the club, but never in his own.
He couldn’t imagine why Emilio would want to keep him around, but he saw it in the other man’s eyes when their gazes locked after their dinner: Emilio wanted him. He wanted him there.
So instead of pinning him down and making him beg, Jude simply pressed their bodies together and traded lazy kisses, knowing that they’d make up for the damn-near hysterical desire a little bit later. Maybe even that night, once they were settled in bed. For the evening, just being together was enough.
He could feel Emilio’s exhaustion pulling at him. Glancing at the clock, he turned his head and pressed a kiss to the soft thumping of the man’s pulse. “It’s just gone nine, love.”
Snorting, Emilio turned his head, digging his fingers into Jude’s hair as he kissed him. “Does that make us old men?”
“If you want to think that,” Jude said with a grin, “but these old bones can still make you beg for it.”
“Fuck,” Emilio breathed out. “You think so?”
Jude pushed to his feet, then extended a hand, though he was careful of his knee as Emilio took it. “Do you want to put me to the test?”
He knew he wasn’t really going to