good time, okay?”
“Mm,” Jude said softly. He shuffled a few more feet away from the man who still wasn’t moving, but Jude was still being watched. Intently. He felt rage prickling up his spine, and he wanted to hobble his way over to him and beat the man unconscious with his cane for putting him through this.
He didn’t know how people did it. He had no idea how Eliah had come back from everything he’d gone through before Jude arrived. He’d seen a man killed, then he’d seen his lover shot. He’d been stalked, and eventually he’d pulled the trigger of a gun on a human being.
Eliah had always looked at Jude like he was the stronger twin—like he was the one who had his shit together and could get himself out of any situation. He’d never understood that most of Jude’s reckless behavior had been borne from fear—and from guilt. That he was trying to cause himself pain because he couldn’t live with the feeling like it should have been his body shattered on the side of the road.
And he was wondering now if HaShem was trying to teach him that lesson.
“Talk to me,” Emilio said, breaking through Jude’s spiral. “Tell me a story.”
Jude laughed. “What sort of story? Something philosophical? Religious? Anecdotal?”
“What’s that last one mean?”
Jude grinned. “An anecdotal story? Let me see…” He dared to close his eyes, only for a second. “How about the story of the first boy I snogged? I was seventeen and trying to act like I knew what the hell I was doing.”
Emilio let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah?”
“I wasn’t expecting him to go for me. I was dealing with a lot of…uncomfortable feelings at home with Eliah’s recovery and everything. My parents were terrified I was going to fail all of my exams and amount to nothing, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to prove them right or wrong.” Jude started to shuffle a few steps, determinedly not looking back at the man, though he was peripherally aware of him, and he still hadn’t moved. “I got in with a…I guess you could call it a bad crowd.”
“Guys like me?”
Jude closed his eyes a second and shook his head. “Nothing like you. They didn’t care about much. Certainly not me. But they had access to things that could make me forget in the moment. And I have a lot of regrets about the choices I made, but that night wasn’t one of them.”
“How did it happen?” Emilio said, his voice barely audible behind the roar of his bike.
Jude closed his eyes against the soft breeze coming off the water, and he allowed himself something like a smile at the memory. “One of my mates nicked a bunch of vodka from his parents, and we went down to the beach and started a little bonfire. Someone was passing around a joint, and I remember feeling heavy and light all at the same time. I was lying on my back, staring up at the stars, and then he was there.”
“What was his name?” Emilio asked.
Jude laughed. “I don’t remember. I barely remember what he looked like. I think he was really fit. The sort of jock-type who might have called me a pouf and tortured me at school. So, it kind of felt like a triumph to have him staring at me like I was the only thing in the world he wanted. I made him work for it.”
“Oh, babe, I have no doubt,” Emilio said with a dark chuckle.
Jude felt another rush of heat at the memory of Emilio beneath him. “I wasn’t as suave back then,” he admitted with a small smile. “I didn’t even know what I wanted. Eliah had already told me he fancied men, but I was…” Jude passed a hand down his face, then glanced over at the man who still hadn’t moved. “I was angry at him. I was afraid it was just one more way his life was going to be shit. I snogged a lot of girls to prove to myself that it wasn’t going to happen to me.”
“Did it help?” Emilio asked.
Jude laughed again, this time the sound bitter. “I think you know perfectly well it didn’t.”
Emilio laughed, and he sounded like he was smiling when he spoke again., “I’m not here to make assumptions about you, babe. I like women just as much as I like men. I don’t think I give a shit about gender at