weeks ago.’
Patrick didn’t respond to that little bit of extra information. I worried all the time about Phoebe going in the car with her friends who’d just got their licence, but if I said anything, she replied, ‘I’m not five, Mum. I’ll be driving myself in a few months’ time.’
Patrick didn’t seem to have the same capacity for catastrophising as I did, imagining the radio on full blast, the front-seat passenger showing the driver some stupid photo on Instagram at the very moment careful negotiation of a sharp bend was required. He said, ‘We all did stupid things and survived. It’s part of growing up.’
I couldn’t think like that any more. I’d lost all sense of the invincibility that I used to have. Ginny had lived a good and decent life but that hadn’t stopped her dying young. In between worrying about Phoebe, I lay raging at four in the morning about all the people who never had a nice word to say about anyone, who automatically assumed anyone down on their luck had brought it upon themselves, who couldn’t give without feeling something had been taken away from them. Those people seemed to live forever, their motivation to stay alive not to contribute to the joy of living but to kill us all off with their toxic views.
Ginny, on the other hand, was a great believer in paying it forward, the one who’d sit on the pavement and chat easily, lightly, with the homeless man who sat outside the Co-op near her home. Who’d step in when someone was a pound short in the supermarket. Whose frequent refrain was ‘I have enough to share.’ She taught me so much and the universe was worse without her. Now my naïve belief that being a good person gave me a free pass, that random bad luck could never be mine, was gone forever. Patrick was, by turns, compassionate – ‘It’s early days. You’ve lost your best friend’ – and impatient – ‘You being miserable isn’t helping anyone.’ But grief defied logic.
When Phoebe, Georgia and Victor had disappeared out for the evening in the back of Helaina’s car, I couldn’t settle. Patrick was trying to involve me in a discussion about the film we were watching, but my attention kept wandering to my phone. So when an unknown number flashed up, a little scream of fright escaped me.
A young voice said, ‘I’m with your kids at the Windmill pub outside Higher Morsten. They’ve been in a car accident, but they’re both okay.’
Patrick leapt up as soon as I asked, ‘Is anyone hurt? Do they need an ambulance? Can I speak to my daughter?’
There was some kerfuffle, then Phoebe came on the phone, crying. ‘Helaina was driving. She came off the road on a bend.’
‘Are you okay? Is Victor all right? What about the others?’
‘I’m fine, so’s Victor, think everyone is. Helaina’s walking, just got a bit of a cut to her head. Josh, the man who phoned you, gave us a lift here.’
‘Why didn’t you stay by the car and wait for the police?’
‘We haven’t called the police.’
‘Why not?’
Patrick already had his car keys in his hand. ‘It doesn’t matter. Let’s drive to the pub and we can take it from there.’
Phoebe put the bloke back on the phone.
‘Thank you, thank you so much for helping them.’
‘Just did what I had to do. They didn’t want the police turning up when they were in that state. Never get insurance again,’ he said.
I didn’t really compute what he meant in my haste to get on our way. As we sped along, the picture began to fall into place. ‘They’ve been drinking. That’s why they couldn’t stay with the car.’ I started shaking, the fear of what could have been making everything in me loose and jittery.
My heart punched with relief when I saw Phoebe and Victor through the window of the pub.
I didn’t wait for Patrick, running in as soon as he stopped.
They were huddled around a table in the corner with a couple of blokes in their early twenties. Both Phoebe and Helaina were blotchy with fright and tears, looking young and terrified, their veneer of adulthood discarded. Georgia was hysterical.
I put one arm around Phoebe, which for once she folded into. Victor was comforting Georgia, who was shuddering and hiccupping. ‘Are you both all right? I mean, as in not hurt?’ They nodded.
One of the older lads stepped towards me. ‘Hi. Thought we’d better get them out of there. We was