in me didn’t extend that far. She shrugged. ‘It’s really easy to get. Some people fake it and get prescriptions.’
‘She can’t be addicted to it, though. Otherwise everyone who was being treated for ADHD would have a problem.’
Phoebe was battling not to get impatient. ‘She’s been taking much more than, you know, what’s recommended.’ Phoebe stared at the floor. ‘She says she can’t study without it any more, but I think it makes her depressed. Then she takes Molly – MDMA – to lift her up. I’m really worried she’ll kill herself, Mum. Victor’s been trying to get her to see the doctor, but she’s frightened the police will get involved.’
It was incredible that a teenager who thought I was so stupid most of the time could suddenly do an about-turn and have an inflated idea of my ability to solve problems, which was nearly as terrifying.
I put my arms out to her and she stepped into them. ‘Thank you for telling me.’ I kissed the top of her head, managing not to scream, ‘And now I have no idea what to do with that knowledge.’ ‘Has she talked to her mum about it, do you know?’
And that was when Phoebe pulled back, reverting to the ‘doh, are you stupid?’ face. ‘Can you imagine what Faye would say? You can’t tell her, Mum. You know she’s always, “Well, Georgia’s doing extra essays, Georgia’s so ambitious, Georgia is aiming for the best.”’
‘Right, right. Okay, this is something I’m going to need to think about.’ I didn’t like to say that without telling Faye, my mind was completely empty of any possible solutions. ‘Leave it with me, darling. I’ll talk to Dad.’
Phoebe reiterated that we weren’t to tell Georgia’s parents anything, then went back into the kitchen, where Victor was talking in low, comforting tones.
I intercepted Patrick in the hallway who’d come out to investigate what was going on. I filled him in quickly. ‘Jesus. Like we haven’t got enough of our own troubles to deal with.’ His response fell into the ungenerous category, but I really understood where he was coming from. ‘I’m taking her home. We can’t deal with Georgia until we’ve sorted out Victor. And we can’t solve Georgia’s problems overnight.’
Before I could respond, he marched into the kitchen, delivered the ‘We’re leaving in ten minutes’ message, strode back out and whispered, ‘And when I come back, we’re both going to sit down with Victor.’
I stood upstairs watching them all drift out to the car. Georgia looked so wan. Victor was a man mountain next to her tiny frame. I was touched to see Phoebe pull up the collar on her coat for her.
I slumped back onto the bed, talking myself out of grabbing a suitcase and decamping to Mum’s while Patrick did the whole ‘And here’s a dad I made earlier’ reveal. I couldn’t bear it if Victor was sorry for me, the consolation prize Patrick had picked up after being rejected by his own mum. Would he think like that? In reality, he’d probably wish that I was the one who died.
And round and round I went, watching the minutes tick away before they’d be back and I’d have to jump one way or the other. I couldn’t imagine walking out on Patrick. It seemed unthinkable that this little cottage might have to be sold, the place where I’d taken it for granted that Patrick and I would weather life, woven together by all the many intangible things that make up a marriage. All the kindnesses – switching on the outside light in the winter so I didn’t have to fumble with my key, fetching my Kindle from upstairs when I’d finished clearing away dinner, giving me a lift home from the station so I didn’t have to walk back in the dark – stacked up into a tightly threaded safety net.
Or at least I thought they had. What was frightening now was how flimsy that looked. Could I spend the rest of my life trying – and maybe failing – to embrace his child? Would I start off with energy and a determination to be generous, vowing to see Victor as an unexpected but welcome addition, yet find myself cursing Ginny’s duplicity every time our family had to shuffle round to accommodate his needs? And would I observe Patrick fulfilling a demand from Victor and endlessly monitor the scales to see where Phoebe featured? Where I featured?
I jumped up, jittery with the pressure to make a