his heartbeat.
Beyond that, our being tied so tightly gave me pause. While I wouldn’t have died because he had, I would have lived the remainder of my life with the rhythm of my heart missing something. There would always be a lost beat, a hollow silence that would forever remind me of his absence. It forced me to confront my own part in the rest of Kian’s life, and my safety suddenly mattered. It bothered me on a level so deep that even I found it disturbing.
Though I would never admit it, I’d thought long and hard about finding a way to break the bond between us. I’d revisited my memories of the Fae lives I’d reaped and discovered that it was possible. Of course, it was also dangerous and, from all accounts, excruciating. It made so much sense.
I’d never asked to be linked to Kian, nor had I really wanted it. Now his ability to breathe freely rested on my shoulders as well, and we all knew how careless I’d been with my life. Honestly, it had angered me that he’d forced me to care about whether I lived or died.
In the end, my decision came down to an ordinary sigh. I’d convinced myself that I needed to sever the connection, and tears blurred my vision as I indulged in one final bit of pretend. My fingers brushed through Kian's wild hair, and he sighed, sounding so satisfied that I used my free hand to rub the tears from my eyes. He’d turned his head towards me, making it easy to see the small smile that played along his lips. A cloud of that wildflower, Kian-specific scent poured from him, enveloping me, and I realized that I wasn’t self-sacrificing. No, greedy described me much more accurately. I leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth, then I climbed onto the bed beside him and fell asleep, clinging to him.
His death was why Grace had been forced to expend considerable energy, making her brighter and draining her completely. She hadn’t just healed him, she’d also reintegrated his soul. Though it hadn’t physically disconnected from his body, it had severed its connection to Kian’s body in every way that mattered. His anchors weren’t functional, and she’d had to repair them while reconnecting a soul that was eager to move on.
The ability was unheard of. The beginning Reapers might have been able to do the same, but we had precious few records of them. Regardless, no one in recent generations could do such a thing.
That news unsettled her, but she didn’t have my aptitude for ignoring things. I’d counseled her to remain quiet about the new ability, at least for now. The Reapers wouldn’t be happy to find out that an Angel could reverse our purpose. After she announced his death, she’d withdrawn to her room, and I’d had to force her to wake long enough to feed herself occasionally. I always felt terrible about it, though, because her eyes seemed dimmed.
Kian hadn’t woken at all, no matter what we did. His skin remained too pale, and he moaned randomly as though he were in terrible pain. I’d tapped into the Mark each time, but as usual, I couldn’t feel anything from him. We hadn’t been able to get him to eat or drink, so I’d snuck away long enough to quietly requisition some medical supplies. Axton trailed behind me on that trip, just in case someone loitered at the care center and caught me stealing.
While we were out, I sent a three-word message to Master Akai, telling him that ‘Sastil requests time.’ Master Akai would know to be on alert. At least, I hoped he would remember our old codes. A simple thing, it only relayed that he needed to be more cautious than usual.
Beyond that, none of us ventured into the world. The trio didn’t reap, nor did they observe the blocked planets. Grace didn’t work on our plan to assimilate the Angels into the OMIEB. I didn’t care about Earth or the state of its souls. We barely discussed the attack itself after Grace’s announcement and Axton’s quick summary of what happened before we arrived. Even Shadow seemed subdued, and she clung to me more than usual. She did give me a hasty push of memories of the time she’d spent following Neil, none of which triggered any concerns.
Then came the binal that Kian woke.
I’d crawled into bed with him, exhausted though I had no reason to be.