much else going on, and you’re just making the stress worse.” I looked at Jessica. “Really, I’m sure you’re a lovely person. And once I figure out what the hell I’m thinking, I want to get to know my baby sister. But you need to go now. My dad broke up his marriage, but he wasn’t alone. You need to go.”
“Mark my words, Pacey, you’ll understand what it means when I say that love doesn’t always mean forever.” The fact that my father could say that while holding his girlfriend made me want to shout, but I didn’t. Instead, I just stood there, my chest heaving and my lungs burning. Shit, the more stress I took on, the harder it was for me to stay healthy.
And this certainly wasn’t helping.
My dad gave me one last look before turning on his heel and barreling out, nearly knocking Mackenzie over.
She looked at me, her face pale. I had a feeling she had heard most of that.
“Pacey,” she whispered.
“Please, go,” I said, closing my eyes. My throat hurt. Everything hurt. I just wanted it all to end for a moment. “I need you to go for now. I can’t handle this. Or you. Or anyone.”
I looked up, and she just blinked at me, her lips parted. “You don’t want me to stay…” she whispered.
“Just go, okay? Just go.”
Chapter 20
Mackenzie
“Just go.”
I blinked at Pacey, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
“Pacey,” I said, my voice coming out shakier than I wanted.
“I can’t do this right now,” he said and rubbed his chest.
My eyes widened, and I moved forward. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Do you need to sit down?”
He shook his head and held out his hand to block me. “I can’t do this right now, Mackenzie. It’s all too much. I need a minute. I need you to leave.”
I looked at him then, trying to understand why he was pushing me away.
“What just happened? Let me help.”
“It’s too much. You didn’t ask for this. Whatever is going on right now isn’t what we signed up for. You need to go.”
Cold surged through my body, and a trickle of memory and unease took root as I tried to form the thoughts I needed to become the woman I had to be in that instant. Why did it feel like I was breaking? I shouldn’t be. He wasn’t breaking up with me. What the hell was going on? And why did it feel like a chasm was opening inside me, trying to steal my last breath?
“You keep repeating those words. Yet you won’t tell me why. Why are you acting like this?” I shook my head, my soul twisting as if it were a shield trying to protect me. “I’m not going to leave, Pace. We don’t do that. We stay.”
He rubbed his hands down his face, his breathing labored. “That was my father right there. And his pregnant girlfriend. Trying to...I don’t even know. He hasn’t contacted me this entire time. Not since I found out about Jessica. Do you get that? He didn’t even want to see me after I was in the hospital. My dad. The guy who was always there for me growing up, no matter what. I thought he loved my mum. That he could do anything. They’re the reason I thought relationships could work, no matter what. But I was wrong. They can’t. When I told Dillon that he and Elise could work through anything as long as they communicated, I was wrong about that, too. I had to be. Because if my parents can’t work things out, how the hell is anyone else supposed to?”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of his words. He was clearly panicking, the stress of the moment etched on his features to the point I wasn’t sure I could calm him down. “Your parents didn’t work out because of their relationship. It’s not on anyone else, Pacey. It’s not on you.”
He ran his hand through his hair, his arms tensing as he started to pace. “Maybe. Or perhaps they just stuck together for me. I’ll never know because Dad changed the rules. Changed everything. And now he’s here, and I can’t deal with it. I can’t deal with anything right now. We have fucking exams, Mackenzie. We’re supposed to figure out who to be in the world, and I can’t even take a fucking breath right now.”
Alarm shot through me, and I took a step forward. The last