what I wanted. And he had promised it to me. Now, he was tossing it all away.
Another sick wave slammed into my stomach and twisted my insides.
“This can’t be true. We already talked about this. We were going to work together.”
“You need to get things in writing.”
“But...I had...”
He shook his head. “That’s something you’ll learn as an adult. And that’s fine, you’ll learn. Maybe pursue something a little softer. A little less strict and complicated for you.”
That put my back up, and I raised my chin. “Excuse me? I’m your best student. I have been all year and in the class last year. You know that.”
“You’re not my best student. You try hard, and you work hard, but with others, it comes naturally. It’s understandable, though. Not everybody’s cut out for this. Please don’t make a scene. I hate when people make scenes.”
“Oh,” I whispered, trying not to scream. He didn’t mean just people. He clearly hated women. He resented that they made scenes, at least in his opinion. Disliked that I wasn’t conforming to his ideals.
“Who took my place?”
“It was never your place, Ms. Thomas. I don’t understand why you keep thinking that way. But if you must know, it was a bright student that I have high hopes for. Mr. Williams.”
I swallowed hard, tears pricking the backs of my eyes. Not because I was sad or truly upset but because I was so fucking angry. And when I got angry, I cried.
That would likely make me a weepy woman in his eyes, so I refused to let myself break down. I blinked back the tears, hoping he didn’t see them, and fisted my hands in my lap.
“I wasn’t aware he was looking towards this area of expertise.”
“It seems you were unaware of many things. Now, I don’t need you to make that scene of yours. Just know that this is not personal. I need you to focus on finding an advisor. It will not be me. Please close the door on your way out and remember that you have homework.”
“I...there’s nothing I can do?” I asked, sputtering now.
“No. I’ve made my decision. You would do well to remember that college isn’t like high school. You don’t get everything you want just by smiling and pretending that you’re going to get it. You need to work hard, and you need to be prepared for disappointments. Now, again, close the door on your way out.”
I stood on shaky legs and raised my chin, just like Pacey had told me to do that one night, and I walked away from my dreams. Yet again.
Hunter stood in the hallway, smirking.
“Oh, look at you, disappointed again.”
“I hate you,” I whispered. And I hated myself for even saying those words. Because I shouldn’t hate him. I shouldn’t even think about him. Why was he here? Why was he always doing this?
“Aw, poor little buttercup. Now I’m going to talk with my advisor. Good luck finding yours this late in the game. You know, for someone who likes to plan so much, you sure do seem to have nothing in the end. I kind of like it. And since you’re not with Sanders anymore, if you’re ever looking for a little retreat, a way to get that stick out of your ass? Just call me. Bye, buttercup.” He sauntered into the room, closing the door behind him. All I could do was stand there, feeling like I was going to throw up.
“This can’t be happening.” My hands shook, but I ignored it. I needed to get out of there. I needed to go somewhere. I had class in an hour, and maybe if I just went about my usual routine, things would make sense again because nothing made sense now.
I had gone into college with a plan. It had adjusted as time went on, as I learned more, but I had checkboxes and lists. Sanders and I were in love. We were going to get married after college and start a family after grad school. We would be together. Lean on each other during hard times. We would always have one another. And yet, he had thrown it all away. For a blowjob. Because I hadn’t been enough.
I had plans with school, my future, the path I wanted, and the advisors I needed to get into the grad schools I desired.
And I had worked hard to make all that happen. It hadn’t been all in my head. It hadn’t been a dream. Dr. Michaels had