up too high, but maybe I can find a way. It’s just that I wish it were with any other professor,” she said and then pressed her lips together. “Not that I said that out loud. You didn’t hear that from me.”
I laughed, though there was no humor in it.
“Oh?”
“Yes, oh. I’m going to find a way to help you. I’m sorry I can’t do it outright. I hate that you’re in this mess. If you want to fight it, we can,” she said quickly. “Dr. Michaels sent us emails, too, Mackenzie. We were all copied. We thought we had lost you to him.”
I blinked, surprised, then swallowed the bile rising in my throat. “He did what?”
“He said you were taken. We all thought you would be a perfect fit for him, at least in terms of what your focus wanted to be, so we looked elsewhere. We didn’t know he would pick Mr. Williams at the last minute. I’m so sorry, Mackenzie. But we’ll make this work. I promise. You’re not going to flounder. We will make this work.”
We spoke for a few minutes and got the beginning of the plan in order, but I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do much of anything.
Everything hurt, I was exhausted, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do next.
What was I supposed to do?
I said my goodbyes, but it was tough for me to imagine anything working. It couldn’t, not when nothing was working out the way it should. How could this have happened? How could all of my plans just go awry?
I looked down at my phone and cursed at the notification. Of course, I couldn’t just go home and wallow with ice cream and spreadsheets. No, I had to meet with my ex-boyfriend and see precisely what the hell he wanted.
My head hurt, and I just wanted everything to go away. And yet, I didn’t have that option.
I sighed and made my way to the coffee shop. Sanders had said he would meet me on the third floor, and I had told Pacey where I would be, just in case something weird happened. Not that I thought it would, but I wanted others to know where I was anyway.
I had also told Natalie, just in case she was able to be around. Again, not that I thought I needed anyone as backup, but it was always smart.
I made my way towards the back area and didn’t bother to get any coffee. I didn’t want this to take long, and I didn’t want him to think that I was suddenly okay with whatever would happen.
Sanders was in the chair, his head down, focused on his phone. I swallowed hard and rolled my shoulders back. I had told myself that today couldn’t possibly get any worse, but I still had a meeting with my ex-boyfriend. It could get way worse. But I wouldn’t allow it.
“Mac,” he said, and I blinked. For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me that both he and Hunter called me Mac. I used to like it. It used to be a cute nickname. Pacey didn’t want to use it because it hurt just a little because of Hunter, and it annoyed me that Sanders had taken something else from me.
And I hated myself—and probably him just a bit—for it.
“Sanders,” I said before taking the seat across from him. He’d always been Paul to me growing up. Then, at the end of middle school, one of the cool kids he hung out with had called him “Sanders,” and it had stuck. He hadn’t wanted to be Paul because that could get you beaten up, at least according to that kid. So, he’d become Sanders, and I hadn’t minded. It was just a name, after all, and it hadn’t been my choice. I would’ve called him anything he wanted because I loved him. That’s what you were supposed to do with people you loved.
I shook my head and pulled myself out of those thoughts. I needed to focus and stop acting like this.
“You wanted to meet?” I said, doing my best to keep my voice a bit cool. He had hurt me. I didn’t want to be his friend. I didn’t think he deserved even a fraction of that, but I also didn’t need to be cruel. I only wanted to get this over with.
“I just have a few things to say. And I just…well, how are you?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. You don’t need to