brightest star in Taurus. As always when looking at the night sky, I felt insignificant. Earth was only a speck in the Milky Way. The Milky Way galaxy was only a speck in the universe. And who knew how many other universes there might be.
But for once, my own insignificance didn’t scare me. Maybe I was more of a starfish than a god. Maybe nothing I did would ever matter on a cosmic scale. But my life didn’t play out on a cosmic scale. And though it might be humble and meaningless, it meant something to me.
I thought back to a few nights before, when Frykowski had stirred something in me. He was so willing to accept failure. I wasn’t. That night, I’d acted. Yes, I’d set out to confront Oswald and it turned into something much different than expected. But that didn’t change that I’d stepped up and refused to be pushed around. And in the end, I got Arden out of it.
Maybe sometimes, if you did the right thing, you achieved something even better than your intended result.
It was time to think about the other areas of my life as well. Like making things right with Owen. Was I really going to give up and assume Alex had more to offer than I did? Maybe I owed it to myself to try one more time. And even if Owen and I were over for good, he at least deserved an apology.
If astronauts could hurtle into space at thirty thousand kilometers per hour, facing incalculable risks along the way, certainly I could tell a boy how I felt about him.
Event: Hamelin!
Date: Oct. 26 (Thurs.)
People stared as I walked into Irving High School’s auditorium. Not because it was surprising for me to attend a play—I attended all the shows to support Cass, despite theater not being a favorite pastime of mine. The difference was that I didn’t normally arrive with an enormous bouquet of roses.
“You sure you won’t carry these for me?” I pleaded to Maggie.
“No way,” she said. “Isn’t stepping out of your comfort zone kind of the point?”
It was, of course.
I’d resorted to asking Maggie to see the play with me when no one else could. Ishmael was working, Arden was still holed up in her house, and everyone else I would’ve gone with was in the play.
Gram had dropped Maggie and me off at the school. During our harrowing car ride (A total of three red lights were run), I asked if we could pick up flowers on the way. Gram scowled and said, “Flowers make silly gifts. Who wants a present that’s gonna die?” But she drove me to the florist.
“People are staring,” I said as Maggie and I sat near the front of the theater.
“You’re overreacting. They probably think the flowers are for Cass.”
Maybe I should have brought Cass flowers. After all, she’d been my best friend for a long time, and I’d never given her flowers at the end of a performance. On the other hand, if I brought flowers for Cass and Owen, wouldn’t Owen take the gesture less seriously?
How did anyone ever manage to navigate social situations? There were so many rules I couldn’t figure out.
While we waited for the play to begin, I adjusted the bouquet and tried to distract myself from my discomfort.
“So, how’s your cult?” I asked Maggie.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar.”
“It’s not a cult. It’s a group of people who happen to believe in the same thing.”
“Right,” I agreed. “Whatever thing you tell them to believe.”
Maggie couldn’t suppress a satisfied smile. “Maybe it’s what they wanted to believe anyway.”
“And what belief is this? What are your little meetings about?”
“Aliens, obviously.”
“What makes your cult different from the Seekers? Or Oswald’s followers?” I asked.
“We agree the aliens are here to give us a message. But it doesn’t have anything to do with the fountain of youth or government conspiracies. The aliens are here with a message of love. If we open our hearts to them, we’ll achieve true harmony.”
“I know you don’t believe a word of that.”
Maggie shrugged.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked.
Maggie thought for a long moment. “Honestly? I just wanted to see if I could.”
“You wanted to see if you could manipulate people?”
“How is it different than what you and Ishmael are doing?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but realized I had no answer. Thankfully, before I had to admit that, the lights dimmed and Hamelin! began.
Interview
Subject #2, Magdalene (Maggie) Hofstadt: Another thing about cults