Mother gasped.
“Miriam,” Father said, with only a bit more dignity. “We don’t want to encourage this.”
“Oh, get over it,” Gram replied, waving her hand at my parents. “It’s high time this town had something interesting happen.”
I glanced at my brother. He couldn’t suppress his grin.
To-Do List: Sunday Sept. 10
Gideon:
• Continue research
• Ready supply list
• Travel to Pittsburgh to procure supplies
• Meet with Cass and go over plan
• Create online identity to post comment on Adam Frykowski’s blog
• Lay out strategy for coming weeks
Ishmael:
• Hang out with friends and spread the word about recent close encounter
Interviews
Subject #7, Jane Hofstadt (Mother): Looking back, yes, I see that Vic and I made mistakes. Maybe we didn’t adequately prepare our kids for the world. Gideon especially had too insular a life, I think. Oh, don’t look at me like that. You did. In hindsight, allowing their alien hoax to continue was ultimately the wrong choice. But the boys were teenagers. We wanted to teach them consequences, that they wouldn’t always have their parents to step in. We never imagined it would get so out of hand.
Subject #1, Ishmael Hofstadt: Dude. I’m plenty prepared for the world.
Event: The myTality™ Seminar
Date: Sept. 10 (Sun.)
Mother thought she was sneaky. We were nearly to Pittsburgh when she said, “Why don’t you attend the seminar with me, and we’ll get your supplies after?”
I liked nothing about that suggestion.
“I’d rather not.”
“I know how you feel about myTality,” Mother said, glancing at me instead of focusing on the road. Perhaps I’d feel more comfortable getting my license if I wasn’t convinced 67 percent of drivers had a death wish. “But if you gave it a chance, I think you’d change your mind.”
“I don’t think I would.”
“It would mean a lot to me,” she tried. “I’d like you to hear Oz speak. He’s inspirational. And who knows when you might have the opportunity again.”
With any luck, never. Granted, I didn’t know much about J. Quincy Oswald, but he was the leader of an MLM (MLM: multi-level marketing. Essentially, a kinder name for a pyramid scheme.), and that was enough for me.
“Mother,” I said. “Please don’t make me do this.”
“I’m not trying to punish you. Nothing in this world is more important to me than the health of my children. And myTality offers a range of products to ensure that your health is stable long into the future.”
That last bit was taken word for word from one of the myTality™ pamphlets she’d left lying around the house.
“I’d really prefer if you dropped me off at the store.”
Mother took a deep breath. She reached up and patted her hair, which I noticed she’d taken extra care with this morning.
“Gideon, I’m worried about you. It’s not healthy for someone to spend all day holed up in a lab. You probably have a vitamin D deficiency.”
“Surely there’s a myTality bar that can fix that,” I said dryly.
She continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “And I’m worried about your future.”
“My future?” I gaped at her. “I’m at the top of my class. I’m going to MIT.”
Except I wasn’t quite at the top of my class anymore, and I’d frequently been skipping the extracurriculars that would pad my MIT application. Anxiety fluttered in my chest, but I pushed my worries away. If the hoax went according to plan and I wrote a groundbreaking sociological paper, a slightly lower GPA wouldn’t matter.
“There’s more to life than academics,” Mother said.
“Well, I also don’t drink alcohol, do drugs, have unprotected sex, or engage in any other risky behavior. I’d say I have a brighter future than most people I know.”
Mother shook her head. “This is exactly what I mean. Listen to your arrogance. It gets worse every year. And now you’re wrapped up in this scheme with your brother…”
“There’s no scheme.”
“When you were little,” she went on, “and your dad and I decided to leave the church, I thought we were doing what was best for you kids.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I thought you left because Father García disliked you trying to turn parish events into business ventures.”
“There was a time when the Catholics would have appreciated that,” Mother said with a scowl. “Father García should get off his high horse.”
“What’s the point of all this?” I asked.
“The point is that the older you get, the more I see that you’re in need of spiritual guidance. I think myTality could offer that to you. It’s so much more than health products.”
My jaw clamped firmly shut. My teeth instantly started aching.
I was