Pennsylvania town that’s been a hot spot for alien activity going on three weeks now. We’ve got Arnie Hodges, respected ufologist, waiting on the line to give us the latest updates.
From The Finance Gurus podcast:
ROB: Now we’ve talked a lot about J. Quincy Oswald on this show—
HARVEY: For any first-time listeners, he’s the scumbag CEO of one of America’s fastest-growing pyramid schemes. Whatever you do, kids, do not sign up with myTality.
ROB: Right now, he’s got something else up his sleeve, though… You want to do the honors, Harvey?
HARVEY: Do I ever. Boys and girls, J. Quincy Oswald is currently in western Pennsylvania, communicating with aliens.
ROB: You heard right—aliens.
HARVEY: Now, we don’t usually stray from personal finance on this show, but we’ve gotta take a moment to discuss what exactly Oswald is doing out there.
From The Late, Late Show with Johnny Speck:
Y’all have heard what’s going on in Pennsylvania, right? And I don’t mean the Steelers being favored for another Super Bowl win. Nope, I’m talking aliens. You heard me. Little green men. Look this up. I’m not lyin’. The whole town’s supposedly been abducted by now, and all I’ve gotta say is, those rumors about the mushrooms in rural Pennsylvania must be true!
Lansburg Close Encounter Statistics as of Oct. 1
Information gathered from a variety of sources, including: blog posts, news articles, comments on news articles, general word of mouth.
150: people have seen lights in the sky
76: people have had visual contact with an unidentified flying object
60: people have sensed an extraterrestrial presence
82: people have been plagued by nightmares
32: people recall strange experiments being performed on them
29: people have visited the doctor, citing unexplained bruises or burns
48: people actually remember being abducted
38: people think myTality™ is the greatest company in the world
7: people think the current happenings are “bullshit”
3: people think Lansburg’s lava lamp is somehow connected to extraterrestrials
1: person is certain the recent events are heralding the second coming of Christ
Interlude
Historical Comparisons of Mass Hysteria
Perhaps you’re baffled by the situation in Lansburg. How could so many people believe they’d seen flying saucers or been abducted by aliens?
The simple explanation is mass hysteria—a phenomenon where a group of people shares frenzied emotions, such as excitement or anxiety. These people develop irrational beliefs or become convinced they’re suffering from the same mysterious ailment.
What happened in Lansburg that autumn wasn’t unprecedented. Allow me to give you a brief overview of some similar occurrences:
The Dancing Plague (Strasbourg, France, 1518): Numerous people inexplicably dance for days without rest—some of them ultimately dying from exhaustion.
The Salem Witch Trials (Salem, Massachusetts, 1692–1693): Young women experience strange fits that are attributed to witchcraft. The town is gripped by terror. Eventually suspicion and accusations lead to the execution of twenty “witches.”
The Halifax Slasher (Halifax, England, 1938): A man prowls the streets, brutally attacking residents. A massive investigation is launched. Eventually, one of the “victims” admits he inflicted damage on himself for attention. Other victims confess they lied too. The Halifax Slasher never actually existed.
The Laughing Epidemic (Kashasha, Tanzania, 1962): Three teens begin laughing at a joke, and the laughter spreads through their school. This laughing epidemic lasts for weeks, extending to other, nearby schools as well.
The Mothman Sightings (Point Pleasant, West Virginia, 1966–1967): For more than a year, countless locals spot a winged, manlike creature around town. No explanation is ever found—though some claim the Mothman was an extraterrestrial.
Over the years there have been instances of mass fainting spells, of teens being “possessed by Satan,” of people losing the ability to walk or speak. In one case in the Middle Ages, all the nuns in a convent spontaneously began meowing like cats.
In some occurrences of mass hysteria, like the Halifax Slasher, the events were undoubtedly faked. Other episodes were less clear. Were people being deceptive, or did they truly believe they were experiencing symptoms?
And if they believed it, even if that belief was false, did that make it the truth or a lie?
Event: The Next Step
Date: Oct. 1 (Sun.)
I sat in the swivel chair in my lab, head tilted back, gazing at the low ceiling. Kepler twisted around my feet, and I absently reached down to scratch his head.
“Kepler,” I said. “The hoax is flourishing. Maybe I should consider it a success. I created something that can sustain itself independently. If God exists, isn’t that what he did when he created the world?”
Kepler purred but didn’t offer further input.
It must be so simple to be a cat. Part of me envied it. How comforting to think of nothing