looks at me and throws her arms open.
“Ah, Kirk! Honey! Here you are!” She comes towards me, and I let her hug me. My body still tenses up because I can’t open myself up to her. The harder she pushes to be a part of my life, the colder I get.
She gives me a light kiss and smiles at me.
“I was so relieved to hear that you’re not going on that trip. Helicopter something?” she says.
“What’s this one about?” Ella asks, putting Mia down, who runs straight to her dollhouse setup.
“Heli-skiing,” I say.
“Doesn’t sound particularly safe,” Reed comments, and I push my hands into my pockets.
“Don’t give me a hard time, guys. The board has already forbidden me from going, but I’m going to find a way around the terms of my contract. My legal team is working on it now,” I say.
Mom is shaking her head like she is highly disappointed.
“I don’t know what to say to you, Kirk. When will you stop? When will you stop putting yourself in constant danger, son? Isn’t there a limit to your thrill-seeking?”
I’m glaring at her, trying to keep my irritation under control.
“I don’t think you have the right to ask me to do anything, Mom. Not after everything you’ve done,” I say.
Reed continues washing the vegetables while Ella looks away. Mom is staring at me, and I can see it in her eyes that I’ve hurt her, but she says nothing. She just nods.
That was one awkward dinner, but eventually, we managed to get through it.
Ella and Mom are loading the dishwasher together. Mia is already asleep in her room upstairs.
I leave the kitchen and walk out to the deck by the back where their pool is. I hear the door slide open and shut, and I can sense Reed come up behind me. He taps my shoulder with a cold bottle of beer, and I take it from him.
“You know, maybe it’s worth going a little easy on Mom,” he says.
I take a gulp of the beer and chuckle bitterly.
“This is not the speech you would have given me last year when you were just beginning to get to know her and everything she did,” I reply.
We stand together, brothers, staring out at the dark and quiet pool, lit up by bright lights underwater. A few years ago, I would never have pictured us in a scene like this. I didn’t think I would ever get to know him, that he would want to get to know me.
“Yeah, you’re right. I fought it too. I didn’t want to forgive her. I didn’t even know I had a brother. I blamed her for robbing me of a family and a childhood.” He turns to me, but I keep my gaze on the water. “But she’s trying, Kirk, she really is, and I think maybe we should cut her some slack. She has made mistakes, and she will never forgive herself for them.”
“Okay,” I reply because I don’t want to argue with him. But he knows as well as I do that I don’t mean it.
“The only reason she wants you to go easy with extreme sports is that she wants you to be safe, man. We all do.”
I look at him then. We have never spoken like this before. I didn’t realize he was even capable of this conversation. I should be touched, but instead, I just feel annoyed.
“I am not trying to kill myself,” I reply bluntly.
“It sure looks like you are!”
“I live my life on the edge, maybe a little more on the edge than everybody else. What makes you think you know what the future holds for all of us? I, for one am not waiting around to find out. I’m going to live my life on my own terms.”
Reed is staring at me, and then he takes a gulp of his beer.
“Well, I tried,” he says with a humph and walks away. I hear the door slide open and shut again.
I know I may have pushed it too far. I know I should embrace the presence of my brother in my life. We’re not getting any younger. But I just can’t do it. I can’t suddenly change who I am after all these years. I am a loner, and that is how I will remain for the rest of my days.
7
Kim
I stand outside the office building, staring up at the top floor where I’m supposed to be in the next fifteen minutes.
I don’t think I have consistently