remember when the time comes that it’s a little different for her, maybe a little deeper, even closer to the bone. Fathers don’t like to hear that, but listen to your mama, Marlon.”
I don’t trust my voice, but just nod. Mama is the last to leave, and I lean against the cottage door for a minute, letting the sudden silence sink into my overworked senses. I understand what my mom meant about not being ready even when I think I am, but I’m glad I at least have the next month to try.
They say God laughs when we make plans. When I go back to Bristol in the kitchen, I think that must be true. She’s at the sink, right where I left her, eyes wide and red-rimmed, cheeks tear-streaked, hair rioting in thick dark and dappled waves down her back. It’s not how she looks that brings that proverb to mind, it’s what she says on a startled gasp of breath.
“My water broke.”
Chapter 39
Grip & Bristol
Birth Plan for Zoe Millicent James
OUR BABY GIRL has been diagnosed with anencephaly. However imperfect she appears to some, she is ours, and we already love her deeply and will treasure any time we have with her.
Please call her by her name, Zoe. Please ask us how we feel, if she has been active, and other things we’ve experienced that make this pregnancy special. This validates and honors Zoe’s life.
We understand that after the birth, situations may arise that were not anticipated and decisions will need to be made. Please keep us informed so we can participate in the decisions. Please take no intervention without our approval, other than what is outlined below. We trust you will respect our wishes.
In the delivery room, we would like Zoe’s father, Marlon, to be present, and the doctor who will be delivering Zoe. Other family members and visitors will wait in the waiting area.
I, Bristol (mother), would like to give birth vaginally, unless strongly advised for a C-section.
We would like to receive a birth certificate and death certificate for Zoe.
We would like her footprints and handprints. We do not wish any testing to be done on Zoe.
If our baby’s heart stops prior to delivery, we do want to be informed.
We do not want the birth videotaped, but we want plenty of photos afterward.
Any drugs given to Zoe should be approved by the parents and should be given in doses to provide maximum comfort while allowing her to be alert to meet her family and visitors while she can.
Zoe’s father will cut the umbilical cord.
We would like oral and nasal suctioning for Zoe’s comfort only and no intubation without our permission.
After Zoe is born, we ask that she be wiped, suctioned (if needed), wrapped in a blanket, and whether alive or stillborn, handed to us.
We would also like to give Zoe her first bath.
Please hand her first to her father Marlon, as we wish to cuddle our baby immediately. We ask that vital signs, weight, medications, and labs be postponed, if possible.
If Zoe has fewer problems than expected, please discuss all possible testing and treatment options with us.
Other than routine post-delivery care, we wish for private time with our baby. We will discuss any exceptions that should be made. We want Zoe to be with us in the room at all times.
Zoe’s grandmother Millicent James will serve as liaison with family and friends, periodically providing updates and managing the flow of people that she escorts into our room, at our request only, and will help us with phone calls.
We have reserved a section of the maternity wing, and only authorized personnel and approved friends and family are allowed access. Under no circumstances should members of the press be allowed access to the area.
Memorial/funeral plans have been made for Zoe at La Casa Memorial Gardens and Funeral Home.
We wish to hold Zoe as she is dying or after she has died. Zoe will be donating her organs for transplant. Based on the circumstances of her birth and death, she may be capable of donating heart valves, corneas (both tissue donation), and possibly kidneys and liver cells. As soon as she passes, Zoe will be taken directly to recovery surgery in preparation for organ donation. A burial garment will be provided. We would like to keep the following items as keepsakes: lock of hair, ID bracelet, crib card, handprints and footprints (molds if possible), weight card, hat, blanket, clothes, family handprints, and photographs, both color and black and white. We