be taking Parker into my body, having him leave his filthy fingerprints on my soul, that it will be worth it. That Grip is worth it. I want that from her because she’s the one who taught him that sacrifice is the essence of love. She’s the only one who would love him as much as I do and would do anything for him, too. I see it in her fierce eyes, in her warrior stance.
But of course she doesn’t offer a touch or a word. She doesn’t know I need it, and if she knew, I’m not sure she would care.
Chapter 36
GRIP
I’VE BEEN IN the LA County Jail all night and most of the morning, but this is the first time I’ve felt truly caged. I prowl the tiny visiting room like a starved beast. And I’m so hungry. I need to feel my sharp teeth tear into Charles Parker’s skin. I want to eat him alive and spit out his bones for putting Bristol in this position. There has to be another way, something I’m not considering.
Like a dark shadow, Corpse looms in my brain. I wanted options for desperate situations. Am I willing to go that far? I can’t even allow myself to imagine what I’ll feel if Bristol goes through with this. She thinks she has no limits? I’m not sure of mine anymore. Fury blots out everything else. I clutch my head, pacing from the table to the wall, back and forth, the problem winding around my brain like a serpent. Looping, coiling, poised to strike. I bang my head against the wall, impervious to the pain. I’m just praying the blow will jolt me; show me a way out of this.
“I always said you were hard-headed.”
My mother closes the door behind her. She crosses over to me quickly and wraps her arms around me, collapsing and sniffing against my chest. She’s the toughest woman I know and only has one weak spot.
Me.
This is the first time we’ve seen each other since the fiasco of Sunday dinner. This shit situation has hurdled any awkwardness between us. She knows I need her, and any differences we have we set aside at least for now.
“Are you okay?” She explores my arms and shoulders. “Did they hurt you?”
“Ma, this ain’t exactly Letter from Birmingham Jail.” I manage a weak chuckle. “The guards have been getting my autograph and taking selfies. They asked me to freestyle at breakfast. I’m good.”
“Good?” She rears back, running disparaging eyes over LA County’s standard issue blue scrubs. “This ain’t good, Marlon. I never thought I would see you here. Not you.”
“And I haven’t done anything to be here, so I’ll be out before you know it,” I tell her with more confidence than makes sense.
“You know I didn’t do this, right?” I dip to catch her eyes, not thinking I would even have to defend myself. Not to her. “Somebody set me up.”
“I heard.” Her glare is a laser cutting through any secrets I would keep from her. “I saw Bristol in the hall.”
I close off my expression. I can’t hear any shit she would say about the woman willing to sacrifice her dignity, her body, pieces of her soul to get me out of here. I can’t even wrap my brain around the money and power at Parker’s disposal. Abuses like these, he’s probably been inflicting his whole life.
When I get out of here, however it happens, I’ll make sure he regrets this one.
“She told me this is her fault.” Ma’s disapproval is palpable.
“It isn’t her fault,” I say impatiently.
“I know it isn’t the best time to bring it up,” she says, her elevated brows indicating it must be said. “But if you had stayed with Qwest, this wouldn’t be happening.”
“I don’t love Qwest, Ma.” I blow out a weary breath. “And I don’t need this right now.”
“You didn’t give her a chance. You could have—”
“I fell in love with Bristol years ago,” I break in. “In a week. Did you know that?”
I grasp her hands and press them to my heart. “She’s here, Ma. In my heart. In my head. I can’t get rid of her.”
I shake my head, a sad smile on my lips.
“I don’t want to. I want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way, like I’m only half alive when she isn’t here. There’s nowhere she could go I wouldn’t chase her. Have you ever felt that for anybody?”
Shock rounds my mother’s eyes, and her