me congregate in her eyes. She blinks, and that vulnerability disappears, covered with the high shine of celebrity again.
“Most of all, thank you, Grip,” she says after a moment. “For putting up with my crazy ass and trusting me with such an incredible song.”
I offer her a quick wink and a grin before she turns back to the crowd.
“It’s an honor getting to inspire young girls to respect themselves, to carry themselves like the queens they’re meant to be. If a little brown girl from Bed-Stuy can stand up here, you can stand anywhere you want!”
The applause dies down before I step to the mic. I’m determined to keep this short and simple. I still have to perform “Bruise,” and the sooner I get backstage, the sooner I can start mentally preparing for that, but I don’t want to cheat this moment because I’ll never get it back.
“This is amazing.” I look out at the crowd, peers and fans and industry professionals, taking it all in. “There’s a lot of people to thank. I’ll try not to screw this up. Um, where’s Rhyson?”
I shield my eyes from the bright lights and search the first few rows where I remember he and Kai were supposed to be seated.
“I absolutely wouldn’t be standing here without you.” There are a thousand memories in the glance we exchange. With all the jubilation going on around him, his eyes remain sober. He knows what this has cost me, knows how hard I’ve been grinding, how hard we’ve been grinding since high school. He knows, probably more than anyone, what it means. “You and the Prodigy team always have my back, and I couldn’t ask for a better friend. Love you, dude, like a brother. To all the fans who humble me daily, this doesn’t happen without your support. Thank you so much.”
I stare down at the trophy before continuing.
“A lot of people speculate about who I wrote this song for, what I’m talking about.” I pause to chuckle. “My mom will tell you unequivocally that she is #GripzQueen.”
The audience laughs, and I know my mom is somewhere in the Staples Center loving this.
“A lot of people think I wrote it for Qwest.” I glance at her beside me. “Writing a song like this and not having a strong woman help me perform it, give voice to it, would have been a travesty. You are an amazing representative for powerful women everywhere, Q.”
She nods and smiles, but I can tell this moment is affecting her in ways she didn’t anticipate. I hope the emotion in her eyes has more to do with the gravity of the achievement than with me and our past relationship.
“Some think it’s for Black women or women in general.” I shrug, a subtle smile playing on my lips. “You’re all right. It’s for my mom, who taught me what love is, what strength looks like, how to not just survive difficult circumstances, but to thrive in them. It’s for women like Qwest, who dream big and work hard. It’s for my aunties in the neighborhood who took it upon themselves to straighten me out if my mom, working two jobs, wasn’t around when I was acting the fool. It’s for all of you girls who aren’t sure you’re worthy of respect when we, especially in hip-hop, sometimes don’t give you your due. It’s fitting that my first Grammy would be for ‘Queen’ since I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for all the incredible women who kept pushing me forward.”
I find Bristol sitting where I left her, pride and love shining in the eyes that never leave my face. I can already see the Coming to America GIFs that will be everywhere if I call her my queen, so I force myself to stop short of that. She would be fine if I didn’t say a word about her. Hell, she’d probably prefer it after all the media shit-storms we’ve been through, but there’s no way this moment even happens without her.
“It’s for you, Bris,” I say softly, even though my words are amplified throughout Staples and in millions of homes. “You’re the best thing in my life. None of this would mean anything without you.”
Our eyes hold in an extraordinary recognition I could only share with her, of the sacrifices we’ve made and the risks we’ve taken together, all while falling in love. I want to call her my girl, my fiancée, my wife in front of the whole world,