now, is there are so many different versions of me, that I don’t know which one is right.
I let out a deep breath and keep pushing, clearing my mind of the insanity that threatens to spill over, and locking it back up until I feel lighter. I don’t know how much time passes while I run, but the sun is high in the sky by the time I drag myself inside, still not feeling even close to as exhausted as I once would have been. Angel benefits I guess. I head to the gym, and strip down before diving into the pool. No one else is in here, and they sure as hell aren’t going to mind me swimming naked if they do stumble across me.
So I swim. Doing laps until my arms and legs finally start to feel like jelly, and I enjoy it. It’s not a surprise the battles during the War of the Fallen went on for so long. No one got fucking tired.
Immortals.
My internal eye roll makes me snort with laughter as I pull myself up out of the pool, and head for the towel rack. I get it wrapped around me, just as the door opens and I find Levi staring at me, his face unreadable.
“Are you finished punishing yourself yet?” he says, leaning against the doorjamb with his arms crossed. He looks pissed off, and I have no idea why, I’ve barely seen him since I got home. Though I guess that in itself could be reasoning enough for Mr. Grumpy himself. The thought makes me think of Everly, and I smile sadly, before turning back to look at him.
“I’m not punishing myself. I just wanted to work out,” I tell him as I swoop down and pick up my discarded clothing.
“Remy, you’ve been working out for roughly twelve hours. Now, let’s try this again. Are you finished punishing yourself?”
I roll my eyes at him, and bundle the clothes in my arms. “I wasn’t punishing myself, you don’t have to believe me. I was just trying to clear my mind, so I could think clearly. Maybe you should nearly die and see what it does to you.”
I regret the words the minute I say them, but they’re out there and I can’t take them back. He looks like I just kicked his puppy. “You’re not the only one who has to live with that.”
“I know,” I sigh. “But, I am the one with a dozen personalities in my head right now, it’s never been this hard to just kind of merge them, maybe it’s because of the Amantara stuff now too, but I don’t feel like myself.”
“I can understand that, but you need to talk to us Remy. Just like you don’t want us to hide stuff from you, you need to talk to us too. It goes both ways.”
“Fine. I’m sorry, I’ll try. It’s just… not that easy.”
“Which I can also understand. But there’s healthier ways to deal with it all too. Are you feeling better now?”
“I am.” I smile at him, trying not to feel as self-conscious as I do. I have no idea why I do.
“Good, then get dressed and meet us in the kitchen, we’ve got theories to discuss, and plans to draw up to settle this bullshit once and for all. Then maybe we can all find a little peace.
I drop my head onto the table, because we’ve been going in circles for about an hour, and we’ve not even spoken about Michael’s theories yet. They’ve just been bickering about pretty much nothing, and it’s driving me insane.
“I’m telling you, we need to focus on this first,” Roman says, exasperated, while Levi just stands there, arms crossed, not saying a word as he stares him down.
Men.
“Guys, much fun as all this is, we’re getting nowhere. Can I suggest we take a break, eat something and reduce the hangry in the room, and then try again please?” I say, but it comes out mumbled with my head still on the table. I look up and find each of them looking at me. Roman and Levi have the decency to look a little guilty while Kain and Creek just smirk at me.
So what if I’m the only hangry one here for real, those two certainly have their panties in a twist about something, and I’m going to stab someone if I have to keep listening to it without some food. The sun has officially set, and I’ve not eaten all day,