over something they can't help. Now, if he ever acted on those feelings…”
“He wouldn’t,” I said, coming to Raf’s defense instinctively, despite the nature of the conversation. “He’d never do something like that. He respects you both too much.”
“Oh, I know. If I didn’t know that, he wouldn’t even have the opportunity.”
I snorted, leaning on the railing. “Must be nice to be able to just crush all your problems.”
“Not all of them,” Cash said thoughtfully. “But the threat does keep a lot of trouble at bay.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. At least, I meant it to be a laugh, but a strangled choking sound came out of my mouth instead. I clamped a hand over my mouth, but the damage was done. The tears welling up in my eyes might have been easy enough to blame on the harsh wind, but it was all I could do to swallow the pathetic sound trying to escape my throat.
Cash must have heard it. He had to, but he didn’t say anything. He just rested a hand on my shoulder, keeping his gaze on the skyline, and stood there with me until I could pull my shit together.
“I’m sorry,” I said with a strained laugh as I used my sleeve to wipe the evidence of my weakness out of my eyes.
Cash looked down at me, an uncharacteristically somber expression on his face. “I know you didn’t ask for advice, but it kind of comes with the territory of being an older brother, so I’m going to tell you what I’d tell Bonnie if she was in this situation: never apologize for having feelings. It’s what you do with them that matters.”
“I’ve tried ignoring them. It doesn’t work.”
“You could tell him,” he reasoned. “I don’t see why it’s a big deal, as close as you two are.”
“That’s exactly why it’s a big deal,” I insisted. “Raf isn’t just a friend to me, he’s family. So is Dante, but with Raf, it’s different. He’s…”
“You love him,” Cash said, once I failed to find a word adequate to express what I felt.
There was one. A word I didn’t dare to utter even in my own head. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach, and I felt a bit woozy looking down. “Is it that obvious?”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m a pretty good judge of people, and Rafael is kind of clueless.”
I blew my bangs out of my face. “Tell me about it.”
Cash glanced over at the door. “Looks like the concert’s over. You gonna be okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assured him, starting to take the jacket off until he held up a hand to stop me.
“Keep it until you come in.” He gave me a look that went from jovial to stern in an instant. “Which had better be soon. I don’t want you freezing out here.”
“Aye, Sergeant,” I said, giving him a half-assed salute.
Cash just chuckled and went inside, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I could see why Dante loved him. He had a way of making everyone feel safe, and in the short time he’d been with the band, he’d become the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother-brother, AKA the kind I didn’t want to fuck.
I wanted to believe Cash was right about Raf just being oblivious. It hurt less that way.
Chapter 16
Rafael
The day of the wedding was going pretty good, all things considered. At least, it was until Dante had knocked on my door and asked me to be his best man.
It was another foregone conclusion that shouldn’t have surprised me in the least, but it felt like a jab when I was already down for the count.
I’d said yes, of course. That I’d be honored, and I was happy for him.
It was the truth. So was the fact that I was dreading that night with every fiber of my being. How those two truths could coexist, I didn’t know, but there was no point in questioning it.
That afternoon, I had the skyrise apartment all to myself. Cash and Dante were out making last-minute preparations for the ceremony, and Chaz had been gone when I woke up. I’d thought of texting him to see where he was at, since it wasn’t like him to just leave without telling anyone, but he’d been weird ever since we’d gotten to the hotel. For one thing, he’d fallen asleep in his own bed.
I felt a twinge of guilt that I didn’t even know what was going on with him, and