my question had come off as less than casual. He knew me better than anyone, but he never seemed to have a clue what was going on in my head, which was...kind of depressing. Maybe I just didn’t have all that much going on to begin with.
“That’s hard to answer,” he finally said with a laugh. “Kinky, but that’s a given. Someone who’s at least open to pup play. Smart with a good sense of humor, adventurous, headstrong. Bit of a bratty streak. And a nice ass, obviously.”
I snorted. “Sounds like Dante.”
The words just came out of my mouth before I could stop them. One of my only memories of my mother was her saying I was missing the filter between my brain and my mouth that everyone else had, which was probably why I annoyed the shit out of everyone eventually.
Even Rafael.
He just stared at me for a few seconds in silence as my regret became a palpable thing hanging in the space between us like a dark, smoky cloud. When I tried to open my mouth to take it back, I just choked.
“Sorry,” I finally managed to get out. “I don’t know why I said that.”
Rafael shrugged, but the comfort we’d always felt around each other had sprung a leak, and we both knew it. “It’s fine. You’re not wrong,” he said with a dry laugh. “But there’s only one Dante, and he’s taken, so there’s no point in sitting around angsting over something I can’t have.”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice strained with discomfort. At least he wasn’t paying enough attention to notice. I knew the moment he’d slipped into la-la land, a space occupied solely by Rafael and the version of Dante he’d created in his mind. The one he still clung to, whether he wanted to admit it or not. “No sense doing that.”
If you had any idea...
“I should get going.” He had already pulled on his shoes and battered leather jacket—the one he’d had since we were teenagers. I still remembered the day he got it brand new, and how every rip and tatter had gotten there. That jacket was like a road map of the last seven years, and I reminisced over how heavy and warm it felt on my shoulders the last time I’d gotten blackout drunk after a show and he’d walked me back to the hotel.
Raf always took care of me. He took care of everyone. Sometimes I just wished he’d let someone take care of him, and in the few moments where I wasn’t drunk or high or drowning out the voices in my head with music, they whispered the one secret I’d never share with him:
I wanted that someone to be me.
Chapter 2
Rafael
The munch was pretty much what I expected--a gathering of music industry folks with a few new-money yuppies thrown into the mix. Everyone was in plainclothes, and I didn’t recognize most of them without their masks and leather.
Actually, I was pretty sure the demure-looking blond guy across the room was the dom who liked to engage in very public humiliation scenes with his subs while wearing a clown mask.
I found myself yawning an hour in, and wishing I hadn’t even bothered to come. If I hadn’t, I’d still be on Chaz’s couch, assuming we hadn’t made our way to the bedroom, watching trash and playing J-RPGs when we weren’t fucking.
I was about to slip out and hope he was still home, if not at the bar across the street, when I felt someone approach. I turned around and realized it was the cute little ginger sub I’d run into a few times already. We hadn’t actually engaged in any play together, but that was mostly because I spent all my time on the road.
The smile on his blue-painted lips said he was equally regretful. Even though he wasn’t in full-on gear, he was still wearing tight leather jeans and a sheer black top that showed off his smooth chest. He was every dom’s dream with long red hair, vibrant green eyes, and just a hint of mischief in his docile personality.
A year ago, I would’ve already had him in a bathroom stall moaning my name, but my heart just wasn’t in it tonight. Or anything else. Now, all the interest I could muster was thinking about how he was exactly Chaz’s type.
Well, one of them.
Now, sharing him...that might be interesting.
“Hey,” he said, looking me up and down with clear approval in his gaze. “I saw you watching