about everything I said.” Mel smothers Phoebe in a tight hug, as if Mel knows that if she lets go, there’s a good chance Phoebe will slip away again. Phoebe hugs Mel back the best she can, one arm trying to do the job of two because she’s also holding Coach’s laptop.
Mel pulls away and sees it. Fear comes over her. Her eyes widen. She forces down a swallow. Her voice is thin, shaky. “Did you find something?”
It’s hard for Phoebe to grab hold of how she got to this place. She’d wanted to prove that she was a good teammate. That she’d made the ultimate sacrifice. But she’s suddenly not sure if what she’s holding actually proves that.
Phoebe chose to play in the championship for two reasons, to help her team win, and so she and Mel would have their best shot at getting into Truman. One of those things happened. And before she read Coach’s emails, it was enough for Phoebe to feel like it had been worth it. Learning that Coach fucked her over afterward with the Trident recruiter is what set her on the warpath.
Phoebe doesn’t want Mel to feel guilty about her place at Truman. Doesn’t want her to think this was, in any way, her fault.
But of course Mel will. Phoebe already sucker punched Mel with her own poorly kept secret. That Mel has a close relationship with Coach. What if she feels culpable in this somehow?
Phoebe has known for years that Mel and Coach text. It never bothered her. In fact, Phoebe felt cool knowing her best friend was the one with this special relationship. She knew it was nothing more than a harmless crush, Mel idolizing Coach.
Mel had been so sad when she feared Coach wasn’t going to come back. Depressed. When she started hooking up with Gordy, Phoebe was happy that she’d finally moved on. But then Coach came back, and suddenly, Gordy was being dumped. Even though Phoebe knows Mel likes Gordy.
What Phoebe is about to tell Mel will shatter her.
Mel says it again. “Phoebe. Did you find something … ?”
Before Phoebe can answer, Luci stumbles on their hushed conversation.
“Phoebe!” Luci rushes over, hugs her, and runs back into the main part of the basement. Phoebe can hear the news of her arrival spread like wildfire.
It heartens her.
She loves these girls. If she could somehow be sure that revealing what Coach did to her wouldn’t come back to hurt the rest of the team, she’d do it in a heartbeat. But she doesn’t want to burn the house down, to take away everything from them just because she let herself get screwed.
So, to Mel she says, “No. Nothing. I was just freaking out, I guess.” And she gives up the laptop, hands it over to Mel, who Phoebe knows would never look inside. “Maybe you can get this back into his classroom before Coach sees it’s missing.” She shakes her head. “No. Wait. I want you to hand it to him. Tell him that I took it.”
That’s better. Then Coach will know that Phoebe knows. He’ll have to clean up his act. The threat that Phoebe could expose him as a lying, manipulative prick is a power she can wield to protect anyone else from getting screwed by Coach again. Suddenly she feels lighter. And now that the computer is out of her hands, she can hug Mel the right way.
“But he’ll throw you off the team.”
Phoebe releases her, limps into the basement, leaving Mel to find someplace to ditch the laptop. Mel calls out. “Phoebe! Hold on a second!”
The girls have gathered in the main room, happy to welcome Phoebe back. But something wrenching must show in Phoebe’s face, because their smiles take a huge collective dip.
Phoebe tries to remind herself that there was a time when she didn’t even know what field hockey was. That there is surely something out there in the world that will fill this enormous black hole.
“Okay,” she says, puffing a few breaths, cracking her neck, psyching herself up. “None of you are allowed to speak until I’ve said what I have to say. Otherwise I’m not going to be able to go through with this.”
“You don’t have to, Phoebe.” Kearson stands up, and for once, her bobblehead stays steady. “I quit.”
SATURDAY, AUGUST 27
4:16 A.M.
KEARSON
Kearson is in utter disbelief. Not over the act of quitting itself but because this is the first time since being called up to varsity that she was ahead of