dying to be out there with everyone.” She needs to put herself first. At long last.
Mel lowers herself and looks up at Phoebe, and when Phoebe nods, she wraps her in a hug. “We’ll drop you off.”
“You don’t have time. The game starts in twenty minutes. I’ll just call my mom and have her come get me.”
“It’s not up for debate.”
Their varsity jersey ceremony is cut short again, but this time, no one cares. The girls grab pinnies for themselves.
All the girls take the ride over to Phoebe’s house to drop her off. Phoebe puts on the playlist from her and Mel’s first season together. She can see that Mel is trying to keep a smile on her face, but that she’s in as much pain as Phoebe.
When they reach her house, Phoebe takes a deep breath, unbuckles herself, and turns to face the back seat.
To Luci, Phoebe says, “I’m still going to quiz you, Luci. Don’t think you’re off the hook.”
And then, to Kearson, “I’m bequeathing you my shotgun seat for the rest of the season, so get your butt up front.” Kearson’s chin quivers. “Don’t worry. You’ve got this,” Phoebe tells her.
Phoebe exits the car. In the time it takes her to climb out, Mel has unbuckled herself and come around to the passenger side.
“You’re going to be late,” Phoebe says.
“I’m coming over right after the game. And we’re going to figure out what to do next. I know it was hard on you last time you got hurt. But this time, I promise I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
She will miss this. But not losing her best friend will make it easier.
“Good luck, Mel.”
“I’ll see you later.”
The closer it got to game time, the more Phoebe could feel the tension building up. Starting after lunch, if any teammate passed you in the hall, you’d high-five her. Not a casual slap but a high five with force, intention. Once the bell rang, and girls would go to their lockers, they’d sing the Wildcat fight song, and you’d hear the voices of your teammates in other parts of the school, voices that would converge and get louder and louder as the girls made their way down to the locker rooms.
Seasons of passivity, of never questioning, of acquiescing, of deference, of never challenging, of never saying no, of being screamed at, of feeling like a failure, of feeling like a joke …
It rises in them.
And even though Phoebe’s being left behind, it rises in her, too.
As the girls drive off, Phoebe screams, “Go Wildcats!” at the top of her lungs over the jubilant honking of six car horns.
Her parents are on their way out the front door with their club chairs and spectator tents. They see their daughter and both of them just know.
The shock of this being it, the end for Phoebe, knocks the wind clear out of her. But as with any fresh injury, the first bolt of pain is usually the worst. Phoebe knows if she can get past that, she’s already started to heal.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 27
11:45 A.M.
LUCI
Six cars enter the crowded West Essex parking lot and claim the farthest spots from the field, side by side. The team bus from Oak Knolls is already parked along the side of the athletic building.
The girls get out. Everyone is anxious, but excited, too.
“You girls ready?” Mel asks.
“Yes,” Luci says, adding her voice to the chorus.
On the walk across the parking lot, Luci holds her stick so tightly she can feel her heartbeat in her grip. The girls slip into the same stride, a marching beat for this battle. And they even manage to score a few early victories along the way.
Grace waving at what must be her family—a college-aged guy and a grandmother type—both with hair dyed as blue as hers.
Kearson folding into her mother’s waiting arms.
Mel rushing over to Gordy and giving him a big kiss.
But the vibe shifts to all business as soon as they step onto the field.
Oak Knolls has already warmed up. They’ve been waiting for the Wildcats to show, excited to see if the video Darlene Maguire posted last night had any effect. Full of bravado, they lean on their sticks.
Ali points out Darlene Maguire to the girls, which Darlene totally sees happen, and there’s a team-wide stare down, the eyes of twenty Wildcats issuing a silent warning. Don’t you dare mess with our girl.
Darlene’s face turns beet red.
Luci doesn’t want to look for him, but she finds her eyes