“I’ve had the best night with you all. I love this team, but not enough to stay. Not when I’m a liability.”
Ali tosses her pillow aside, crawls toward Kearson on hands and knees, and hugs her. Ali pulls back, looks Kearson deep in the eyes, and says, “I know exactly how that feels. I’m a liability too.”
SATURDAY, AUGUST 27
4:27 A.M.
ALI
Ali lets go of Kearson and picks up her pillow again, hugging it the way a kid who’s afraid of the boogeyman hugs his teddy bear in the dark.
What is she scared of?
It’s not seeing Darlene Maguire tomorrow. Ali’s known this day would come.
It’s not what Darlene Maguire will do. Of course she’ll pull the same stunt again, seeing how well it worked last season. Tomorrow she, or someone else on Oak Knolls, will most certainly pull her eyes into slits. Maybe call Ali a Chink, too. Throw in some Ching Chong Chinaman, because who cares if Ali is Korean? Gooks all look the same. Maybe bust out a karate move, a high-pitched hieeeeeeeeeeee yah, a jump kick, the crane.
Ali’s not even afraid that her teammates won’t be sympathetic. She knows they will.
So she finally spills her guts. Tells them exactly what happened after that first goal during the championship game, Darlene’s charming little “bet you didn’t see that one coming” setup for the eye slits.
It certainly wasn’t the first time someone had said or done racist stuff to her. She’s gotten plenty of little comments like “You speak perfect English!” Or, the opposite, when people come up to her and start speaking in whatever Asian dialect they know, expecting Ali to understand it. And that’s just the normal, everyday stuff. There’d been plenty of bigger, more agressive moments too. But it always threw Ali when a person her age did it.
The girls on her team look ashamed that they had no idea this sort of thing happened. They must be shocked that a girl like Darlene Maguire, who seems like the kind of girl they are, could ever do such a disgusting thing. Embarrassed, maybe, that they never thought of all this before, what it might be like for Ali. And so deeply sorry, because Ali is clearly hurting, has been hurting for months.
And finally, after peeling back all the layers, Ali sees the thing she’s afraid of.
She tilts her head back, pulls her long hair over her shoulder, takes a deep breath. But it catches, that shuddering that happens right before you start to cry.
“My whole family is away this weekend at my nephew’s first birthday party, which is a big Korean thing. My brother’s wife’s family is flying in from Seoul. I wanted to go so badly. But I didn’t even ask. I didn’t want to have to explain it to Coach, and also, I thought it was better that my parents won’t be there tomorrow.” Ali begins to lose it, tears spilling out. “Even though the same thing has happened to my mom and dad too. Multiple times. And to both of my brothers. And will happen to baby John-John, and that breaks my heart. It’s just a part of life that I know I need to get used to. But I don’t think I ever will.”
Luci has her eyes narrowed, fierce with determination. “Coach needs to know about this before tomorrow’s game. If you feel weird going to talk to him alone, Ali, I’ll come with you. I will stand next to you.”
Ali feels a surge of love for her. “Thank you for offering that. But Coach already knows. I told him right after it happened the first time.”
Luci flinches. “Wait, what?”
Ali had immediately signaled for time from the ref. Something she’d never done before. None of the girls called for time-outs. That was Coach’s decision.
She looked across the field to their sideline and Coach speeding at her, a practically lethal look on his face. She immediately regretted what she’d done. But it was too late to take it back.
“Why the fuck are you using a time-out?”
Ali pulled her mask off her face and wiped away the tears. “That girl, she …” It felt so disgusting to say.
Coach snarled, “She just scored on you!”
“That girl … she just made Asian eyes at me.”
Coach seemed taken aback. “Are you sure? Maybe she was … I don’t know, wiping her eyes or something.”
“I’m positive. There’s no question what she did.” Ali said it loud, hoping that the girl, the girl she didn’t yet know was Darlene Maguire, would