but you’re not technically a newbie, either. So …” She bats her eyelashes. “What side of that line would make you most comfortable?”
Kearson presses a palm to her forehead, as if Mel’s sunny smile actually radiated warmth.
“I’m honestly fine with whatever you decide, by the way. And you don’t have to tell me now. I just thought that, if I let it be your choice, then you wouldn’t feel awkward when it happened.” Mel winces. “But maybe this is more awkward? Ugh. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s really nice of you to give me the choice.”
Mel is visibly relieved. “Okay.”
“The truth is, I’m thinking of tonight as my fresh start with the Wildcats.”
“I totally, totally respect that.” Mel pats Kearson’s leg and then stands up. “That’s all I need to know.”
Though this might be true, Kearson hurries after Mel, reaching out for her arm, stopping her at the bottom of the stairs.
“I wanted to say congratulations on your Truman scholarship. When I heard you got it, I was so happy. Relieved, actually.” Kearson pins her arms against her stomach. “I know how much I cost the team last season. And if I had somehow screwed your scholarship up for you, I don’t know if I could have ever forgiven myself.”
Mel’s mouth falls open. “Oh my gosh, Kearson, you—”
“And, if it’s not too weird, would you please let Phoebe know how sorry I am? I’d tell her myself, but I’ve been trying to keep my distance.” Kearson gives a half-hearted shrug. “She has every right to hold a grudge against me, and at the very least, I owe her the courtesy of not having to pretend like she doesn’t.”
Mel fingers her necklace, rose gold, so thin Kearson hadn’t noticed it before. “Kearson. I promise you that Phoebe doesn’t hold anything against you, okay? None of us do.” Mel finds Kearson’s eyes. In a whisper that’s barely audible, more air than sound, she adds, “And you’re not the only one here who’s looking for a fresh start. Not by a long shot.”
Mel puts her arm around Kearson and guides her in for a gentle hug. Kearson hugs her back, despite knowing that Mel wouldn’t be nearly so kind if she had a clue how close everything was to coming apart at the seams last season. But maybe all that matters is that it didn’t.
Over Mel’s shoulder, Kearson sees Coach framed in the bright distance down one end of the hall, a jovial conversation with Mel’s father wrapping up with typical pantomimes, a back slap, a handshake. All the while, Coach is watching her and Mel with a sidelong glance that Kearson pretends not to notice.
Though she still can’t get a touch on her old dreams, Kearson gives up searching. She worked her way back onto varsity to give her all. She requires nothing in return. This is penance for her transgressions. And anyway, it won’t be Kearson’s dreams that carry her through. This time she knows what to expect and what will be expected of her. This time her eyes are wide open.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 26
5:40 P.M.
ALI
One of Coach’s long-standing rules is that every player on the Wildcats must dress up for school on game days. His thinking? If the girls want to be winners, then they need to look the part. He wants it to be crystal clear to everyone at West Essex when they pass a Wildcat in the hallway. It’s about projecting confidence, poise, and, most important, pride in being part of his team.
“Basically,” Ali remembers Coach telling them once, “you’re doing it right if you intimidate the shit out of every other kid in school.”
It’s always made sense to Ali. When you look your best, you feel your best. When you feel your best, you play your best.
In fact, the transformative power of clothes is why tonight’s varsity jersey presentation is such a special moment for the girls. It marks the first time when they see themselves as a team. Ali is hopeful that, when Mel hands Ali’s goalie jersey back, and she slips it over her head, Ali will feel ready to play tomorrow. For now though, in the dress she bought specifically for tonight, she feels good enough to fake it.
It gave Ali a thrill when she first saw it hanging on a circular sale rack set far away from the fall wools and tweeds and velvets in the window display. Navy-and-white gingham—a nod to Wildcat colors—strapless, nipped in at the waist, pencil skirt. It fit her