and I ate them while sitting on the kitchen floor. They were stale and tasteless. I sniffed at the cheese and decided I wasn’t that desperate, so I ate the entire jar of pickles instead. After that, I went back to bed and hid under the covers, where I eventually fell asleep.
I woke to the ring of my phone around five. Georgia Valentini calling. Chewing on my lower lip, I debated taking it. Could I fake cheerful well enough to fool her? Old Margot wouldn’t have thought twice. Was she still inside me somewhere?
I did my best to summon her. “Hello?”
“Oh, Margot, hi. I thought I’d get your voicemail. Your business partner called a bit ago and said you had a family emergency. I hope everything is OK.” Georgia sounded concerned, and I felt guilty about the lie.
“Yes, everything’s fine. It turned out to be no big deal.” Just my own existential crisis.
“Glad to hear it. I just wanted to tell you how grateful we are that you took the time to come here and jumpstart our efforts at marketing more effectively. You did your research, came prepared, got to know us, and really delivered.”
“Thanks.”
“And you inspired us to get moving on our restaurant dream, too. Even if the Oliver place doesn’t work out for us, we’re motivated to keep pushing toward it.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Any news on the house?”
“Nothing too encouraging,” she said. “But we’re getting some estimates on what it would take to renovate the place, and Brad’s helping us come up with a plan to apply for a business loan.”
“I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you.”
“I appreciate that, thanks.” She paused for a minute. “Margot, I hope it’s not out of line to ask if you’re OK? You sound different.”
I sighed. “I’m OK. I mean, I’ll be OK. I guess.”
She laughed sympathetically. “That does not sound good.”
“I just…got my hopes up about something I shouldn’t have.”
“I understand.” A few seconds went by. “Margot, he’s sad too.”
“I doubt that.”
“Why?” Georgia sounded genuinely surprised.
“Because he’s the one who broke things off. He doesn’t want me. Not enough, anyway.”
She sighed exasperatedly. “He does, though. I can see it. He’s just so damn stubborn.”
“Anyway,” I said, “it’s done. And it’s what he wanted.”
“I’m sorry, Margot. I really wish things were different.”
“Me too.” I needed to hang up before I started bawling again. “Bye.”
She said goodbye and we hung up. Flinging an arm over my eyes, I wondered how she knew Jack was sad. Was he moping over coffee this morning? Had he been short with her? Lashed out? The thought made me angry. How dare he take it out on other people! He did this to himself!
Grumpy and depressed, I wandered into the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. Yeesh. My hair was matted and tangled, my face was puffy, and my eyes were red-rimmed with circles underneath. “You know what?” I said to my reflection. “This is the real me, and if people don’t like it, they can fuck off.” I snapped a pony tail holder around my hair, threw on some old jeans with my Vassar T-shirt, tugged on some socks, and shoved my feet into sneakers. I didn’t feel like the old me, so why should I look like her?
The Mercedes was a bit of a problem with my new image, but I’d think about that tomorrow.
“Wow.” Jaime blinked at me. “That’s a different look for you.”
I’d gotten to the bar first and was sitting on one of the velvet sofas along the wall. My friends had just slid in across from me. “I feel different,” I snapped. “Why shouldn’t I look it?”
“No reason,” she said with false brightness and a glance at Claire. “Want to tell us what’s going on?”
“What’s going on is that I’ve come to the conclusion that my life is meaningless.”
“Margot, what on earth?” Claire asked, brows furrowed. “Your life isn’t meaningless. Why would you say such a thing?”
“Because it’s true,” I said, lifting my expensive gin martini to my lips. After struggling with it for a few minutes, I’d decided a life without purpose was no excuse to drink cheap booze. “I don’t contribute to society in any meaningful way. The world is full of terrible things like poverty and hunger and disease and abuse, and I don’t do anything about it. I will live and die, and humanity will not be any better off.”
“Wow,” Jaime said again as the waitress approached. “Hold on, I’m going to need a