“Are you blind to the lost look and the tears in her eyes? Are you blind to her screams after the nightmares? Because it cuts me over every time.”
“She’ll be fine. She will.”
“Fuck this, Blair!” He yells. “I won’t let her suffer just so you won’t feel guilty.”
“Keep your voice down,” she whisper-yells.
I glue myself further into the door, my heart almost beating out of my chest.
“I’m done, Blair. Okay? I’m done keeping her in the dark just because you don’t want her to hate you. If you don’t tell her, I will.”
“You don’t know the whole story.”
“I’ll tell her what I know.”
“Shut up, Jaxon.”
“I won’t shut up. You need to face that you abandoned her and her mother when they needed you the most.”
“I did not and you know that.”
“You ran away and never looked back. Elsa lost her mother and family because of it.”
My knees shake and I can’t remain standing. No other sounds come out, and I quietly leave from their door.
My heart slams in my chest.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Aunt abandoned us?
What is that supposed to mean?
Aunt didn’t abandon us. She saved me. She couldn’t have saved me if she abandoned me. Uncle must be wrong.
He has to be.
27
Elsa
I’m distracted out of my mind during the dinner with Knox.
He brought me to the coffee shop where Aiden and I usually have our meals. I’m surprised he knows such a place exists.
Even with the familiar setting and Knox cracking jokes, I can’t concentrate.
I’ve been picking at my salad, but I barely took a bite.
My legs bounce under the table. I emptied the hand sanitiser, but the itch under my skin wouldn’t go away.
The conversation between Aunt and Uncle keeps playing at the back of my mind on an endless loop.
He said she abandoned us. Abandoned us.
And I lost Ma because of that? How so? How the hell did that happen?
“Elsa?”
My head snaps up at Knox’s voice. I’m gripping the fork so tight, my knuckles are white. I think my face is the same, too.
“Sorry.” I force out an awkward smile. “I’m a bit distracted tonight.”
“It’s okay. We can do this another time if you like.”
“Absolutely.” I glide my fork in the salad. “I’m really sorry, Knox. I love your company. I’m just not in my right state of mind.”
“Family problems?”
I wince. “Sort of.”
“I completely understand. I also have an overbearing father.”
“You do?”
“He’s a control freak and is hardly satisfied with anything. I think he rubbed off on me.”
I smile despite myself. “You’re not a control freak, Knox.”
“I can be.” He grins. “Anyway, all I’m trying to say is that parents are like that. I try to be a good son and give him what he wants even if it can be nearly impossible.”
I clutch his arm briefly. “I’m sure he’s proud of you.”
“That’s what I hope.” His eyes appear lost for a second. “I want to be his favourite son.”
“I’m sure you are.”
He shrugs. “Not yet, but I found an opening to snatch the position. Anyway, I understand how it feels to have parents expect a lot from you.”
If only it were about that.
Aunt and Uncle’s expectations are Cambridge, and I’m already sold on that. But this is bigger and more dangerous.
How am I supposed to deal with secrets from the past?
On our way outside, I catch sight of the middle-aged man sitting at a back table.
He’s the same man who usually sits upstairs.
It’s a weird, out-of-body experience to see him change the setting. He was a part of the decor upstairs when Aiden and I are together.
That makes me miss Aiden.
Damn him.
He couldn’t be there for me when I need him the most.
Knox has to go pick up his father, but he offers to drop me off first. I decline and take a taxi. I already burdened him enough for the night.
The traffic is suffocating, it takes me about an hour to get home. I’m physically and mentally exhausted as I punch in the code and go inside.
I stand in the darkness of the entrance, arms falling on either side of me.
Tears fill my eyes and I fight the need to collapse in the entryway.
It’s absolutely terrifying to stand here at the place I’ve called home for the past ten years and feel like a stranger.
Like I don’t belong.
The walls. The darkness. All of it seems wrong.
I’m not supposed to be here.
My home is in Birmingham.
I close my eyes at the random thought. I have nothing in Birmingham and certainly no one.
London is my home. This is my home.
So what