to get to him.
The real him.
I expect him to force me and push me to the road of no return. Since I already don’t trust him, if he does this, I’ll really start disintegrating from him.
And for some reason, my chest aches at the thought.
“I’ve had insomnia since I was a kid,” he says in a quiet voice I can barely hear. “I spend my nights playing chess, swimming, or working out in the gym.”
I process the information.
Now that I think about it, every time Aiden and I spent the night together, I always wake up to find him either watching me or running a bath for me.
I figured it was because he always woke up first. Does that mean he never slept on those nights?
Wait.
“You were deep asleep the first time you spent the night in my room.”
“That was one of the times I collapsed.”
“Collapsed?”
“If I spend two or three days without a wink of sleep while working out, swimming, and practising football, my body shuts down and I collapse. That’s the only way I get to sleep.”
I watch him intently. He never appears tired. Hell, he doesn’t even have dark circles like most insomniacs. If he didn’t tell me he had insomnia, I would’ve never guessed it.
I wonder why he can’t sleep.
Then I recall a text he sent me that night.
Something about…
My head snaps up. “You said you see a ghost when you close your eyes. Is that why you can’t sleep?”
Something flashes in his gaze before he completely seals it behind the poker face.
“You said to tell you one thing no one knows, and I did.”
“Cole, Xander, and Ronan don’t know?”
“They suspect it, but they don’t know for sure.” He points at the ground in front of him. “Now, your turn.”
When I don’t move, he says, “A deal is a deal, sweetheart.”
I wish I could extract more from him, but I already cornered myself. If I don’t respect my part of the deal, he’ll never open up again.
With one last deep breath, I scramble to my knees in front of him.
I want to think that he’s making me. That even if I struck a deal, this is a form of a violation. At least those thoughts will make me hate him.
But is it a violation if I’m impatiently waiting for his next move?
Maybe, just maybe, it’s impossible for me to hate Aiden.
That thought terrifies me more than any I’ve had before.
“Good girl.”
Aiden’s eyes soften at the corners.
My heart jumps, beating so loud, I can hear the thump, thump, thump...
It’s so rare to see him softening. He usually fakes it before he strikes. Aiden’s softening is the frightening type, not this heartwarming, almost reassuring type.
Am I imagining things?
He unbuckles his belt and frees his hard cock. Keeping eye contact, he grips himself and strokes up and down, not so gently.
My thighs clench.
There’s something so utterly masculine about the rough way he touches himself.
He points his dick at my mouth. “Open.”
“If I do this.” I meet his gaze. “You’ll tell me what I want to know.”
“Hmm.” He glides the tip of his cock on my mouth, smearing the pre-cum on my lips.
My breathing catches the more he does that. My lips part and I take the first taste of him.
I shouldn’t have done that. Now, I want more.
He nudges my mouth open and I take him in, slowly.
I’ve only given Aiden a blowjob that one time at Ronan’s party. Since then, he’s been exclusively the one who gives oral.
It’s because of the control.
Aiden is the type who lives for control even during sex — especially during sex.
Maybe I like control, too. Maybe this time, I want him to feel what it’s like to have him at my mercy.
I lick him at a slow pace and lift my hands to cup his balls. I take my time in working him up.
Aiden throws his head back with a grunt. “Fuck, sweetheart.”
He yanks the band free from my hair, letting the blonde strands fall to my shoulders, and tangles his fingers in my scalp.
I quicken my pace and take him as far as I can without gagging. I become bolder with each stroke of his fingers in my hair and groan out of his lips.
So this is how it feels like to have control. No wonder he loves it so much.
“You’re so adorable.” He smirks down at me. “Look at your proud expression.”
My pace slows a little, but I don’t stop as I get trapped in his cloudy gaze.
“You’re only at that