Knox’ displayed with his birth stats staring back at me.
Knox Beckett. He would always have a piece of his momma—her last name and mine.
“Knox Beckett,” I say out loud.
“Oh, Ridge, I love it,” Reagan says softly. “What about a middle name?”
I think about that. My middle name is Alexander, as is my dad’s. Seems fitting. I hope I’m half the father to Knox that my father was to me. “Knox Alexander Beckett.”
“Here is the paperwork you need to complete. Once I have it entered in the system, it will go to the state and they’ll issue his birth certificate. You’ll get it in the mail in a few weeks.”
I hand Knox off to Reagan and complete the stack of forms, pausing when I get to mother’s information. I swallow the lump in my throat as I write the word ‘deceased.’ Too fucking young and full of hope for the life she wanted to give our son. Needing my insurance info, I pull out my cell phone where I have it saved. When I tap the screen, the picture the nurse took of the three of us glares back at me. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Her smile . . . she was so fucking happy holding our son, and now she’s gone. After everything she’s been through.
“It’s not fair,” I blurt out. “Why her? After the life she lived? Why could she not be happy? Raise our son and have a real family, a part of her? It’s not fucking f-fair.” My voice cracks on the last word.
Tyler walks in just at that moment.
“You’re up, Uncle Tyler,” Reagan says, handing Knox to him. She doesn’t say anything else, just drops to her knees in front of me and wraps her arms around me. That breaks me and I sob into her shoulder, the stress of the last three days—today, especially—overwhelming me. I fall apart; I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. I’ve been fighting back these emotions since I pulled off the road and found her car.
“It’s not fair,” Reagan agrees. “It fucking sucks donkey dick.”
I laugh at that; I can’t help it.
“My work here is done,” she says through her own tears.
“Uh, guys . . . I think little man here has a present for his Aunt Reagan,” Tyler says. He sounds like he’s holding his breath.
That just causes me to laugh harder. He may not have his mother, but I will make damn sure he knows how much she loved him. How much she wanted to be a part of his life. He won’t have both parents, but he will have me, his aunt, my four best friends—uncles by default—and my parents.’
He will be loved every damn day.
I will make sure of it.
Chapter 9
Three days. I’ve been home with my son for three days. Yesterday was the funeral. Just a small service, with my parents, Reagan and the guys. I held tight to my son as we laid his mother to rest. My heart cracking wide open for him and for her.
Needless to say, my world has been upturned. Not that I’m complaining. I love cuddling with the little man. My mom and Reagan have both been staying with me, and Dad stayed last night as well, saying he felt like he was missing out. Luckily, I have the space.
Mom and Reagan took care of the basics. They made sure I had a car seat to bring him home in, plus they bought clothes and blankets. When I arrived home, my boys had taken it one step further; not only had they decorated the front porch with blue balloons and ‘It’s a boy’ banners, but they also had the spare room—the one closest to mine—set up and ready to go for my little guy. The once-empty room now sports a baby bed, dresser, and changing table—at least that’s what Mom calls it.
I have a hell of a lot to learn.
I don’t know what I would do without any of them. They’ve helped me so much, and I know I can never repay them for all they’ve done.
Today is Knox’s first doctor’s appointment. I made him one at the office Reagan and I went to as kids. Our doctor retired, but the office is nice and it’s close. I asked Reagan to go with me. Mom offered, but I told her to take a break. She’s going to be watching Knox for me during the day—something she has reassured me is an honor