this was real life, Toby. And this was important. At least for me it was.”
I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. I wanted to say that it was important to me too, but I didn’t know how to say it convincingly. I made a living using words and telling other people what to do, but when it came to myself? To being honest with a man who deserved the best of everything? All my words dried up.
If Aunt Hagatha were here, she’d have said…
Oh, who fucking knew? She was me, and we were both idiots.
Just a few minutes ago, I’d felt closer to Beale than I’d ever been to another person. Now there was a giant chasm opening between us, thanks to me, and I was clinging to one side with my hands and the other side with my feet, and I was not strong enough to keep things together. There was a reason I didn’t do relationships, after all. A reason why Mason was the only person in existence who’d ever put up with me for very long.
So, I fell back on what came naturally: I nodded stoically and forced my voice to be light… though I wasn’t sure I quite got there. “Well. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that there is a man out there somewhere who would’ve handled this better. Your real soul mate wouldn’t have fucked this up, right? He would have known exactly what to say and what to do that would be fair to everyone.” I shrugged one shoulder. “This is merely further proof that I’m not him.”
Beale stared at me for a second, then whispered, “Yeah, I guess.” He nodded and cleared his throat. “Anyway. I’m done talking about this right now. I’m gonna go help… someone. With something.”
“Good. Yes.” I nodded also. We were a great nodding duo. A pair of life-sized bobbleheads. “You should. I’m gonna go pay the piper.” I leaned toward him and stage-whispered, “Mason is the piper.”
“I figured. I guess I’ll see you around.”
Ugh. That hurt. A sharp, metallic tang filled my nose, and I was pretty sure tears would come soonishly. In my entire life, I’d never wanted anything as much as I wanted him to smile at me and wrap those big arms around me and be my safe place again. What a fucking sap Whispering Key had made me. The sooner I left, the better.
“Sure. I’m hard to miss, darling. Enjoy the party.”
Beale looked me up and down, from my bare, damp chest, to the towel around my waist, to the tips of my toes. Then he nodded once and walked out.
I shut the bedroom door softly behind him and locked it tight, then sat on the bed and stared at my hands for a long moment, waiting for tears to come. I was pretty sure I loved Beale Goodman, and I knew that because him walking out felt a lot like when my family had asked me to leave.
Apparently some of us were destined to only see love in the negative, in the void left by its absence.
What a cheerful thought.
The bed jostled as Marjorie jumped up from wherever she’d been hiding and butted her head against my chest looking for pets.
“You come to comfort me? You’re a good girl,” I told her, scratching her soft head until she closed her eyes in ecstasy. “Don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise, okay? And promise you won’t like anyone better than me, no matter how soul-matey they are, m’kay?”
Marjorie gave a chainsaw cough that indicated agreement and commiseration.
“Toby!” Mason shouted from the living room, and I sighed.
Marjorie hissed, which was thoughtful of her.
“Coming,” I yelled. I pulled on my Alexander McQueen jeans with the gray stripe, a deconstructed floral shirt, and pair of leather slip-on Louboutins, because I had a fairly good idea how this conversation would go, and I required tactical armor.
And then, because I also had a fairly good idea how this conversation would end, I opened my suitcase on the bed and chucked the rest of my clothes in haphazardly. All I needed was my toiletry case to make a clean getaway.
I opened the door just as Mason was about to knock. His usually tidy hair was a mess, like he’d been running his hands through it, and his polo shirt was wrinkled from travel, but he looked… good. Happy. Not in the moment, obviously, since his expression suggested he was ready to commit all kinds of violence, but deep-down