going to put my dick in a lineup?”
“Hardly,” I said haughtily, but I was momentarily caught by the idea of me saying, “I just don’t know for sure, Officer. Can you make them all turn for me again?” and I snickered.
“Is this funny?” the guy demanded.
“No! And I didn’t even see anything.” I sounded pouty. I was pouty. But in my defense, these were trying circumstances, and I was not at my best.
The giant sighed. “Okay. On the count of three, I’m going to reach my hands under the sheet and lift her off you, to minimize damage. You ready?”
“Under the sheet.”
“Yes.”
“Where my junk is.”
“Yes.”
“So it’s okay for you to touch my junk, but I can’t even see yours?”
“That—” The guy broke off and ran a hand through his hair, and a blush stained his high cheekbones. “It’s not like I want to—Jesus Christ. Not everything in the universe revolves around your… your… junk!”
“Pardon you? Everything in my universe does!” I huffed right back.
“If you’re feeling uncomfortable—”
“Of course I’m uncomfortable! Each of her claws is creating a separate and uniquely painful incision mere inches from my very best feature, and I’m relying on you, a perfect stranger, to save me.”
“If you’d rather take care of this yourself, feel free, as long as you don’t hurt her. Or you could wait. She’ll be hungry soon.”
“Hungry?” I gasped, and the bastard intruder snort-laughed. Somehow, even that sounded sexy.
“I meant hungry for her food, which she’d have to leave to eat.” He shook his head. “You’re really funny, you know?”
“Obviously. Men are dying to get me naked just so they can compliment my sense of humor.” I squeezed my eyes shut. I’d have been so much better off in the Maldives. “I’ll just lie here, then. And trust you. To handle me gently.” I gripped the phone tightly.
The guy shook his head again. “Count of three. One—”
“Just to say, you wouldn’t have such sangfroid if it were your pleasure sword on the line,” I sniffed.
“Two—” His hands were large and rough where they slid over my stomach and leg, and I shivered.
“If asked, please tell the true crime podcast people I died bravely!” I squeaked. “And don’t give the tabloids any details!”
“Three.”
He lifted the cat and the sheet in one smooth motion, and I curled my legs up to my chest and screeched. The cat exploded into movement, screaming like something out of a nightmare, before she jumped out of his arms like she was the victim in this scenario and disappeared.
“Is she gone?” I whispered, moving the flashlight around the room.
“Yes. And not happy about it.” He flipped on the light in the corner by the window and peered over the far side of the bed near the door. “Poor baby. She’s probably petrified.”
“Poor baby? Her? What about me?”
“Yes, what about you?” The guy’s voice hardened, and he folded his arms over his chest to stare down at me. “Who the hell are you, and why are you here?”
I wish I could say I was immediately restored to sanity by his tone and used the phone he’d handed me to do something intelligent like call the police, but that would be a lie, because adrenaline was flooding my system and… did I mention he was tall? And fucking hot? Because he really, really was.
He had floppy gold-brown hair in need of a haircut, bristle on his jaw that was halfway between scruff and full-on-mountain-man, and freckles. His eyes were deep cerulean blue, and the happiest happy trail I’d ever encountered—and it must be said, I’d followed a lot of trails—led down to a cock that was…
“Holy Mary, mother of God,” I breathed. Every size-queen fantasy I’d ever had suddenly seemed tame in light of what I now knew was humanly possible.
I licked my lips.
“Excuse me!” The giant said, reaching down a hand—and forearm—to protect his modesty. “Eyes up here! And could you…” He waved his other hand at me. “Cover yourself?” I’d swear he was—oh my God, he actually was!—blushing as he said it.
What kind of unicorn home invader was hung like a horse and blushed like a schoolgirl?
Not the point, Toby. Jesus.
The man was probably straight. And more importantly, he’d broken in here. People didn’t just come into other people’s houses unannounced unless they were there for nefarious purposes.
Or unless they were me.
“Forget about me! Who are you and what do you want?” I demanded, belatedly scrambling back and clutching the guy’s cell phone like a weapon. “Talk.”
The giant strode to