Smallville with his kind eyes. Oh, or my adorably dorky roommate Martin, the summer my grandmother had paid for me to go to Adventure Camp. And the guys I’d hooked up with in my early twenties, who’d all seemed so exciting. Heck, even Silvio with his cute smile and fine ass. Good-looking guys were everywhere.
But I’d figured out years ago that a few minutes of happy release was not worth the major letdown I’d feel when I realized the person I’d shared an amazing, mind-blowing experience with had no feelings for me at all. I knew most people didn’t feel like I did—they were able to separate the physical from the emotional, and that was cool. Sometimes I even envied it—but I wanted more than an uncomplicated orgasm, I wanted connection. Someone who understood me, maybe better than I understood myself. I wanted the first time I fell for someone to be the only time I fell for someone. I wanted a soul mate.
And even after twenty minutes’ acquaintance, I could not imagine anyone less like my future soul mate than Toby. He was hot and he knew it. His snarky humor and aggressive flirtation were annoying, and the opposite of my soul mate’s soothing, patient spirit. He was quicksilver fast in all things—his retorts, the play of emotions over his face, in amping up drama from zero to a billion. All in all, Toby was like a candle flame—pretty to look at but dangerous, and impossible to hold without harming yourself.
So why was I still thinking about him, two miles into a four-mile run?
I forced myself to run faster and headed down toward the beach, where the horizon was still tinged pink. I pushed myself until I was breathless and dripping with sweat, and only when I was pleasantly exhausted did I allow myself to run back to Mason and my cousin’s place, where I dropped to the ground beside the pool house and forced myself to do three sets of sit-ups and push-ups for good measure.
I was nearly done my second set of push-ups when I heard the clink of china through the open kitchen window, and then a voice muttering, “Who the hell, in actual America, has a cabinet filled with twelve kinds of herbal tea and no coffee?”
I told myself Toby’s outrage was not amusing and spread my hands wider, increasing the burn on my muscles.
“Oh ho! So we meet again, nemesis.”
I paused with my chest in the air and my hands still flat on the ground.
“Don’t you look at me like that, hussy! How dare you just sit there grooming yourself after what you put me through.”
Oh, God. Marjorie. I started to scramble to my feet to rescue one of them—I wasn’t sure which—but a second later, Toby hmphed.
“Nothing to say for yourself, then? You’re just going to try to stare me down? Fine. Fine. You won’t win this round, I assure you. I can out-stubborn the stubbornest human, so I can sure as heck out-stubborn you. In fact, I hardly notice your existence.”
Oh, God. Was he using reverse psychology on my cat?
“Also, I adore cats. I am thrilled that you’re sitting there on the floor watching me with your freaky eyes. I am in no way put off by your presence or—motherfucker!—by the way you’ve jumped on the counter to stalk me. I am perfectly sanguine. Sanguine, I tell you!”
I lowered myself to the ground and just lay there for a second, chest to the concrete, breathing deeply. Toby was talking to my cat like she’d know what sanguine meant when I wasn’t entirely sure what sanguine meant, and shit, I really, really, really needed to stop thinking about him.
Clearly, the run had done jack shit. I was just glad he’d be leaving the island soon. And once he was safely on a flight back north, with his weird visit to the island just a blip in my memory banks, I’d spend some serious time meditating and cleansing my chakras, reminding myself of exactly what I wanted.
My energy must have gotten blocked by loneliness or anxiety or something. I’d been trying so hard to manifest my soul mate that I’d manifested this crazy attraction… to the wrong guy. I hadn’t even known a person could do that, but trust me to be the first idiot to manage it. I looked down at my naked wrist and wished, for the first time in a long time, that I had someone who could actually guide me