Goddess, I told you, that was such a mistake. It was the first and last time I ever tried orgasmic meditation.”
“Can I ask you something that’s kind of forward?”
“Okay.”
“Why would a man go to a convention to rub a woman’s clitoris when he could do it at home all the time with a woman he’s really into?”
Oh my. “It doesn’t make sense to me,” I said.
“I’m sorry about the sponsee swarm after the meeting.”
“Your friend that tried to commit suicide?”
“He was a sponsee.”
“So does that kind of stuff happen all the time?”
“No. Not serious stuff like that. But my sponsees, they do call me a lot.”
“Texas.”
“Yes.”
“I saw the car seat in your car.”
“That’s what I was trying to tell you, that night we were at Dolce Vita.” There was a pause. “I have two kids.” TWO???? “Madelyn and Titus. They are three and seven.”
“Three and SEVEN!” I said. “My Venus, how old are you?”
“I’m thirty-three,” he said.
“Oh.” The new horror that he had not one, but two children was trying to sink in. “Do they have the same mom?”
“Yes, of course. I mean, I was married to their mother. We share custody.”
“So three and seven—they can both, like, talk?”
“Of course they can talk.” Texas sounded confused and maybe frustrated.
“Oh my God,” I said. Everett, you know I’m flummoxed when I mutter oaths at a patriarchal deity. “So you have two kids and they have a mom—who is your ex-wife?”
“Yeah. That’s how it often works.”
“And you have a gaggle of bro sponsees calling you every time they have drama or whatever.”
He made a noise of exasperation. “I’m starting to think this conversation isn’t going well. Look, I’m an adult with responsibilities, and I work hard to be of service to other people so I can stay sober, and I work hard to be a good dad. And I like you and would like to go out with you.”
I felt sick, and a giant lump formed in my throat. “I want to go out with you, too,” I said. “But you have so much going on. And kids… well, that’s a lot.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the quaver in my voice.
But he could. “I don’t think this is the right thing right now,” Texas said. And I just stammered out some stupid things in agreement, and when we finally hung up I sat there for a long time, overwhelmed by sadness and conflicting emotions. Oh Venus, Goddess of Love! When it comes to my romantic life, why, oh why, is the timing always so damn off!
Self-pityingly,
Roxy
P.S. But at least I am a professional artist with a paying job and health insurance! I am going to see this glass as half-full no matter that it’s empty of men! For today, I am resigned to a life of celibacy and solo sex.
P.P.S. I just asked Annie if we could cancel FAIL BETTER! as the band to play the Puppy Adoption Center opening. Annie said their band name is already on all the promotional materials we’ve sent out, so unfortunately I have to suck it up. When I see Texas I will be aloof, gorgeous and chilly, leaving him to regret his earlier choice to procreate and find sobriety. (Okay, I’m not sure that makes sense. But hopefully I’ll be cool and detached and will not mope or even publicly leak tears of wistful longing for what could have been.)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
January 6, 2013
Dear Everett,
Between working full-time, getting through the holidays, taking care of the furballs, making sure I still meet up with my girlfriends on the regular, being a bridesmaid in Yolanda’s New Year’s Eve wedding, and prepping for the grand opening of the Puppy Adoption Center, I’ve been too busy to write—but last night was so perfect and magical I have to get it down.
Knowing Texas would be at the Puppy Adoption Center grand opening party playing with FAIL BETTER!, I splurged on a hot new black cocktail dress flecked with gold sparkles. I was a little nervous about seeing him. I didn’t want my confusion and turmoil about him to spoil the night.
But I forgot about all of that as soon as I arrived. I parked and walked over to the site that had once been Waterloo Video, then the accursed Lululemon. I stared up at the sign that now reads: PUPPIES! PUPPIES! PUPPIES! The thought that every time a puppy mill crackdown occurs, the pregnant moms and their puppies will be whisked here to be adored and adopted out to loving