But he’s going to tell me because we’ve decided to be open with one another.
That hits me like a ton of bricks. Things just got real. This is a relationship. It’s not just about sex. My stomach suddenly feels light and shaky.
And it sucks.
It sucks considering what I’ve been keeping from him. I back up to the bed because it feels as if my knees are going to give out. When the mattress hits the back of my legs, I plop down with a thud.
“What do you know about Bossman?” I look up at him, noting the tension in his body.
Griff comes to me. He knocks my knees aside and wedges his body between them. He places a finger under my chin and sweeps the broad pad of his thumb across my lips. Normally, that would feel sexual in nature, but this time it goes deeper. Like soul deep. A connection I’ve never felt with anyone ever.
“You say his name in your dreams.” His voice is soft, tender, concerned but solid.
“My nightmares?”
“Yes, your nightmares.”
“Every night?”
“Every night.” He nods and his thumb sweeps to my jaw. The corners of his lips turn up into a soft smile filled with warmth, tenderness, and love.
“But you know more, don’t you?”
“I know you killed him.”
“Do you know how I killed him?”
“I’ve read the reports.” His gaze shifts between my eyes, darting back and forth. He traces the angle of my jaw. A slow, leisurely exploration, like he’s got all the time in the world.
“But you never asked me.”
“I waited for you to tell me yourself.” His violet eyes simmer with tenderness.
“Why?”
“Because I wanted you to trust me enough to confide in me. That’s the easiest answer, but there’s more to it than that.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t.”
“No need to be sorry, minx.” His fingers move to my hair, stroking lightly through the long curls. “I read the reports but never watched the video.”
“There’s video?” My voice cracks with that news.
“There’s always video. We wear body cams and helmet cams. Every move is recorded and the mission debriefed afterwards.”
“Oh, I guess I should’ve known.” This just shows me how much I don’t know about his world.
“Honestly, I didn’t ask because I sensed you weren’t ready to tell me. I didn’t want to push. We’ve moved fast this past week and I just wanted to give you time to decide that was something you were ready to share with me.”
“I told Zoe.” I press my lips together.
“I figured as much.”
“Is that why I had an episode?”
“I don’t think talking to her triggered you.”
“Then, I don’t get what happened.”
“You heard us approach. Or at least that’s the way Zoe reports it. I think you heard the sound of men and that triggered a latent memory. Maybe it was because you told Zoe what happened. Maybe it wasn’t. That may have brought other memories to the surface.”
“Maybe.” Actually, I think he’s right. “Griff?”
“Yes?” He spins around and sits beside me on the bed.
“I’m tired of being scared and feeling helpless.” I’d say I was tired of living, but for the first time I can remember, there’s something—someone—in my life worth sticking around for. There’s no thought about ending things.
“I know.” He loops his arm around my shoulder and we sit there for some time saying nothing.
My memory returns and I play through what happened in that cave. I remember how helpless I felt.
“I told Zoe I wanted to make him pay.” I told her I wanted to kill him.
“Who?”
“The man who ordered me up like an object to be delivered on a platter.”
“I understand that.”
“I wish I was more like you.” I lean into him, drawing strength from his presence.
“How’s that?”
“You’re strong. Fearless. You’re in control of what happens around you. I want to feel just a little bit of that.”
“You have that. You’re free.”
“Not as long as he’s out there. What’s to keep him from coming after me again?”
“The Guardians are working on that.”
“How?”
“It’s what we were arguing about.”
“But you were arguing about me.”
“Forest has it in his head to use you as bait. Flush out your buyer and find a way to get inside that organization. It’s the only way to tear it down.”
“Me?” I point to my chest.
“You.” His jaw clenches. “But don’t worry. I’ll never put you in danger. That’s what I was telling them.”
“Because I’m not a Guardian.”
“Because I want to keep you safe. What he’s proposing isn’t just risky, it’s insane.”
“But could it potentially work?”
“I’ll never let it get that far. It’s not