settles on the back of my head and he holds me tight against him. I surrender into his embrace, absorbing how wonderful it feels to have someone who truly cares about me. I’ve never had that before. He makes me feel alive, refreshed, almost electrified. The blood rushing through my veins races around blissfully free and content to run in perpetual circles like it’s the best damn moment of my life. He feels like coming home, and I’ve never had a home before.
For some weird reason, my entire body begins to shake. It’s like a release of tension flowing out of my body and into him, where he takes it all in, shouldering my burdens for me. It’s a heady sensation, and I grip him tight, holding on as emotion sweeps through me.
The fog lifts, and I remember what happened.
I remember all of it.
The memories slam into me, buffeting me from all sides. My body shakes, and Griff stills.
“Moira?”
I look up at him, tears streaming down my face. “I killed him. I killed Bossman.” My words disintegrate into a blubbering mess as I bury my face against Griff’s chest.
“I know.” He runs his hand through my hair, slowly drawing his fingers through the tangles. “I know.” His grip tightens, and we slowly rock in place.
“Do you hate me?” I chase the memories as they flash in my mind’s eye. Bossman’s dead stare. Shelly’s heavy weight as we rolled him in the blanket. Blood everywhere. In my hair. Saturating my clothes. Slipping under my feet. Squishing between my toes.
“No. God no.” Griff holds me out and away from him, but only to stoop until he’s eye level with me. “I’m in love with you.”
“But, I’m a murderer.”
“You’re not a murderer. You defended yourself. You kicked ass! You made it possible for us to rescue you. If you hadn’t…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but I know what would’ve happened. “I could never hate you.”
I don’t understand what the Guardians do. I mean, I know what they do, but not how they do it. I don’t understand their mental state. I’ve watched enough television to put the pieces together. I know their job involves killing. And what Griff says is true.
Bossman would never have let me out of that room. If the Guardians had breached it, Bossman would’ve used me as a shield, and there’s only one way that would’ve played out.
It was him or me.
Intellectually, I get it. I understand I’m not going to be arrested for what happened. Any judge would see the truth, and I’d get off on a self-defense plea. My mind knows this, but my heart and my soul feel differently about it.
I swipe at my cheeks. “What did you mean?”
“About what?”
“You said I wasn’t a Guardian. What were you talking about?”
His lips firm into a hard line. “It was nothing, just random conversation.” He smooths my hair and walks me back into the bedroom. “You need rest. It’s been a long day.”
“I freaked out, didn’t I?” I’m still struggling to piece together what happened.
“Something triggered you.” Forest leans against the doorjamb, arms crossed and glacial gaze hard as ice.
Griff blows out his breath. “I won’t lie to you. You scared me, but yes, you had an episode.”
An episode.
It’s what the Facility calls a psychological break.
“I need to know what happened.”
“You need rest.” There he goes protecting me, even from myself.
The back of my neck itches because I know they were talking about me. I let Griff lead me further into the bedroom. He releases me, but only to kick Forest out. When he closes the door, I clasp my hands in front of me.
“Tell me what I walked in on?” There’s no mistaking the plea in my voice, just as there was no mistaking the tension in that room. My question hangs in the air between us as Griff’s entire body locks tight.
“I don’t want to, but my gut tells me you have the right to know.”
“What does that mean?”
“Only that I’m navigating uncharted waters here. Everything inside of me says not to tell you. That I need to protect you.” He spins back toward the door. “That means keeping that from you, but we promised to talk and work things out.”
“I appreciate that.” For some reason, a surge of fear rushes through me.
He doesn’t want me to know whatever they were talking about, but he’s willing to share it with me. Not because it’s a good idea. Clearly, he doesn’t agree with any of them.