Completely.
Knowing this makes me realize, even if I have to stand back, watch her fall in love with my brother like she loves me, I will. Happily, if it means she’s still here, still in sight where I can protect her.
Captain may be strong but there is no doubt in my fucking mind, nobody can protect her like me. Nobody.
I stay, I can steal what should be mine – her touch. I can brush her hand with my fingers when I walk by, claim it was an accident or grab her arm to get her attention. Anything to feel the heat of her skin on mine, if even for only a second and as innocent as that.
Only it won’t be innocent.
Every time I’ll wish her stormy eyes would move to mine with purpose, need. Want.
She killed her mom.
She banished Perkins.
She burned the Graven Estate to the ground.
She found out her only friend had – has – more secrets than we do.
She found out who raped her when she was younger – my own fucking blood.
Family runs deeper than blood.
Just when she probably felt things were coming together, Leo and Vienna come out of the woodwork, ready to tear her apart, hand her over like a dirty prize.
I did this.
All of it.
I jerk when her hand touches my shoulder blade, every muscle in my body tensing, but only for a moment, because in the next, her other one meets my bicep. Her little fingers wrapping around it the best they can, and it’s over.
My knees give, and I slam against the floor, welcoming the sting that shoots up my thighs. My head falls to my chest, my fists to the floor.
Her sharp, shattered inhale has the cords in my neck tightening, and I hate myself a little more.
After a few seconds, her sock covered feet come into view, followed by her knees as she plants herself right in front of me. She sits back on her feet, and when her hand lifts, I squeeze my eyes shut.
Her soft fingers shake against my cheek and I hold my breath, swallowing the little air I have in me. Heat covers my cold face as her palms meet my jaw, her hand spanning out until the tips of her pointer fingers are positioned behind my ears, the others caging in my neck.
She lifts my head, the soft shuffle letting me know she’s scooting closer.
It takes her a minute, but then she speaks. “Open your eyes, Big Man.”
Her breath wafts over my face, and I flatten my lips to keep the feel of her off me.
Fuck.
“B—” she cuts herself off, and her shuddered inhale matches mine. “Maddoc, please,” she whispers. “Open.”
My hands fly up to grip her wrist and she freezes, her fingers lifting from my skin, but I slide my hands up her wrists, covering the backs of hers with my own, and push them back down, leaving mine where they are and finally she relaxes again.
My eyes snap open, and instantly hers fall.
“Nuh-uh, baby,” I whisper. “That’s not fair.”
“Fair...” she whispers, a sad chuckle leaving her, and finally her eyes come.
Both our grips strengthen at the same time, hers on me and mine on her. It’s instinctual, to hold on tighter, to subconsciously fight for contact we want but can’t have.
“Royce found you,” she rasps. “Where’d you go?”
“For a ride.” I bite at the inside of my cheek, my eyes moving between hers.
“A ride...” She trails off, a shuttered breath leaving her as she pulls her lips between her teeth.
She knows.
“When I left the school, I ditched my phone and GPS. Went straight to the tracks.”
Her jaw begins to tremble.
“Hopped on the first train to pass, got off when it stopped. Did it over again the next day.”
Her head lowers, and she blows out a long breath.
She understands, knows exactly why I chose to ride around on steel tracks.
I needed to feel you, baby, and that was the only time I came close.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my nostrils flaring as hers grow red. “This is on me, all of it.” Everything I just convinced myself of goes out the fucking window, and the words fly from me. “I never should have agreed to this. I never should have let him have you.”
“Stop.”
“You can’t be anyone else’s when you’re already mine, Raven. And you are. Mine.”
“Maddoc...” she croaks, and when her eyes fall so do her tears.
“I’m not asking you to hurt him,” I whisper as I slide closer, our knees now touching. “But,