his way. “Touch me and I’ll crush your nuts,” she snaps, she shoulders past me, not looking back as she steps out.
I stand there facing the wall opposite of them as long as they allow, only turning around when my name is called.
With each pair of eyes met, heaviness falls on my shoulders to the point I have to sit.
I look to Captain, who stands there in his gown, eyes slowly shifting from the floor to me, but then I notice the pressure with which he’s gripping the rolling IV machine and motion for his bed.
A frown hits his brows and he stands taller as if he has to prove his strength.
He doesn’t.
“Sit down, Captain. You’ve been standing a long time.”
“I’m good,” he assures me, then looks me over. “I could use some of my own fucking clothes, too, though.”
I nod. “Maybell brought something for all of us,” I pause. “Or for us three...” My eyes fly to Maddoc’s, and the move alone almost crushes me on the spot.
His hands open and close at his sides, and he can’t keep eye contact. His deep, sharp inhales and exhales causing a sting in my own chest.
“Because I wasn’t here,” he growls at himself, his head falling back. He takes a quick glance at me down his nose but then squeezes his eyes shut and spins around where he stands. I stare at the back of him as his hand comes up to cover his mouth.
He feels guilty, like this is all his fault.
“Royce,” Cap says slowly, almost unsure. “Help me out?”
“I can help you,” I rush out, the slight croak in my voice giving away the panic flaring in my gut.
My eyes land on Maddoc’s back, and sure as shit, his head falls, his hands coming up to cross behind his neck.
Royce grabs the shit from Captain’s bag before making his way to me.
He drops in front of me on the bed, his eyes tight, lips pinched flat. “I’m so mad at you, RaeRae,” he whispers, shaking his head. “I should have been with you for all that shit. Not Bass fucking Bishop. Me. Someone who loves you, someone who could have held you, helped you, fuck I don’t know...” His voice trails off. “Something.”
I lean forward gently touching my forehead to his, ignoring the sting from the bruising there. “You did,” I whisper, and his eyes lift to mine, our foreheads still touching. “If it wasn’t you who walked in the bathroom when I was talking to Maybell, I would have broke. Nobody would have done in that moment but you. You didn’t push me, didn’t ask me any questions, you were just there, which is exactly what I needed.”
He swallows. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I nod against him.
“Am I gonna hurt you if I hug you right now?”
A laugh spits from me and I shake my head no even though, yeah, it probably will.
He knows that, too, so he’s gentle in his hold. Before he pulls away, he whispers in my ear, “Talk to him, baby girl. If he didn’t when he left, he sure as fuck did after that conversation.”
I grip him tighter, not wanting to let him go, but his fingers glide to mine inconspicuously and he pries them open, holding my eyes as he steps back and stands, only breaking contact when he spins to Captain.
Captain, who’s looking right at me. He gives me an encouraging smile, but guilt fogs his features just the same.
I give a slow shake of my head, and the corner of his mouth tips the slightest bit.
“Come on, Cap.” Royce lays a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe I can get that nurse of yours to give your sponge bath to me instead.”
“She’s like fifty,” Cap says.
“Cougars love me.”
With a small laugh, the two of them walk out, leaving Maddoc and me alone for the first time in weeks.
The door closes with an easy click, but it rebounds off my ears like a hard hit to tin.
I have never wanted my brothers to get lost so bad in my life. Problem is, I never wanted them to keep their feet planted right where they were so fucking bad either, now here we are, alone.
My baby and me.
Only she’s not mine anymore, or at least that’s what we have to pretend, even now when it’s nothing but the air in her lungs filling mine.
Her mom held a gun to her head, loaded and cocked back, ready to shoot her. I could have lost her for real.