against her bulge and whisper sweet nothings to it.
In two languages.
He talked about the baby non-stop. Told her the things they were going to do together and the places they were going to go and the things he wanted to show his son. At the moment he was going through three different name books, hoping to find a good balance between the baby’s Russian and Italian ancestry.
He was completely and utterly committed to their baby. Head over heels in love with him. How could she take away the one thing Ben wanted more than anything? The one thing that had started to restore his faith in love?
In family?
But how could she stay and keep herself whole? How could she stay and not turn into her mother?
This was her dilemma.
She couldn’t leave her son behind, neither could she stay in a relationship where she was never going to be loved, hoping for some crumbs of affection. She knew Ben was going to be hurt. Angry, probably. But she couldn’t stay.
Her childhood memories of her mother’s emotional destruction were still too vivid. She’d fought all her life to escape the scars of her upbringing, determined not to repeat her mother’s mistakes, and she wouldn’t compromise on that because Ben might get hurt in the process.
She could only hope that he had enough compassion in him to understand her motives.
Katya stayed in bed for two days, going slowly stir-crazy. Ben was attentive to a fault which made her cranky and irritable and guilty, knowing what she was about to do to him. She had no further bleeding and the baby was as active as ever. Rocco was pleased with the second scan but cautioned Katya to give up work and take it easy for the rest of her pregnancy.
Katya promised she would and she could see Ben’s visible relief in the periphery of her vision. Poor guy. He had taken her moods on the chin the last two days and been the absolute soul of patience. Her heart swelled with love even as a hot knife was jabbed into her side at the thought of leaving him.
Heading back to their quarters, Katya packed her bag, taking only the things she’d arrived with. There was much more stuff she’d accumulated these past weeks but she had all she needed - her plane ticket, her passport.
And the baby.
Her heart was heavy as she paged Ben who arrived a few minutes later. She turned to face him as he entered and tried to memorise every feature. He looked so male and sexy in his scrubs, her chest swelled with love and eyes blurred with tears.
Her lover, her heart.
If only it didn’t have to be this way. If only he could love her like she loved him.
Ben glanced at the bag at her feet and the tears shining in her eyes. He frowned. ‘What’s all this?’
Katya dashed the tears away and searched for the hard woman who had arrived here some months ago. She’d thought this through enough times in the last two days. Now was the time for action.
‘I’m l-leaving.’
Ben stared at her vacantly for a few moments, letting her announcement sink in. He felt as if he’d taken a punch to the solar plexus from a world boxing champion - short of breath, his stomach dropping, his mind reeling.
What the hell did she mean?
‘I’m sorry? What do you mean, you’re leaving?’
‘I thought I could do this...I really did, Ben. But the other day, when I was bleeding and I thought I was losing the baby, I realised I couldn’t. Couldn’t walk away from him.’
Ben looked at her earnest face. She didn’t want to give the baby up? But that was...perfect. ‘So don’t.’ He could tell she was just holding herself together, that one wrong word could see her walking out the door. ‘Stay here with me and we’ll raise the baby together. My offer of marriage still stands.’
Katya bit her lip to stop the sob that rose in her throat at the casual offer. ‘We don’t love each other, Ben.’ The lie hurt so much she had to gulp in a big breath to ease the pain.
‘No, but we love this baby, and that’s a good start.’
She stared at him, eyes blurry with tears. What had she expected? That he go down on one knee and admit his undying love? She took some deep breaths.
How, how could she marry him?
She’d never be able to trust his motives. She’d question every aspect of their life together,