a colouring book. Katya couldn’t understand what was being said — hell, neither could Lupi — but the little girl giggled and beamed at Ben as he pulled funny faces while he coloured.
His rich deep voice traversed the distance between them and she almost sighed it sounded so good. Like the first coffee of the day, or a Sunday morning sleep-in or a crackling log fire in the middle of winter. She liked listening to him talk in his native tongue and she relaxed her head against the doorjamb.
Lupi laughed and looked up at Ben with such trust in her eyes that Katya’s heart skipped a beat. She knew in that moment that coming to Italy had been the right thing to do. That Ben was the perfect choice to raise their child. That if he could show this much compassion to a stranger, to a child he’d never even known until this week, his own child would be very lucky indeed.
It gave her a huge sense of relief, a sense of rightness, knowing that their child would look at him with the same measure of trust. Had she ever looked at her mother with such trust?
‘You’d make a great father.’
Ben turned and saw Katya standing in the doorway. He looked back at Lupi, so defenceless, so trusting. He hadn’t felt love for anyone or anything in a long time. Not a woman, not his country, not even his job.
Not since Bianca and Mario.
How could he give a child the love it deserved when he still felt so emotionally barren? ‘No. I wouldn’t.’
She frowned. ‘You...don’t want to be a father? Someday?’
Ben returned to the colouring-in. Did he? Once upon a time he’d thought he and Bianca would have a houseful of kids. But he was older now, wiser. And still a little old-fashioned where children were concerned.
It must be his mother’s influence. His traditional upbringing. He truly thought it was best that a man and a woman should be married before deciding to bring children into the world. That the parents should love each other and have made a binding commitment to be together for ever.
Or at least he had anyway, before Mario and Bianca’s actions had irreparably shaken his faith in love and marriage and family. He didn’t know what the hell he believed any more, he just knew he wasn’t ready for fatherhood.
‘I’m too selfish,’ he said dismissively.
Before coming to Italy, Katya would have agreed without hesitation. But looking at him now, sitting on a little girl’s bed dressed in his scrubs, passing the time with her in the last few minutes before he had to start work, told her different.
‘A selfish man would be enjoying an extra espresso or a few more minutes’ sleep,’ Katya said quietly.
He stopped colouring and fixed her with a serious look. ‘Don’t read too much into this.’
Katya swallowed. He had to want to be a father. He had to! ‘Sometimes we don’t know what we’re capable of until we try,’ she said quietly, ignoring how much of a hypocrite that made her.
He put down the crayon, turned back to Lupi and smiled. ‘I’ll be back later, little one,’ he said, in English this time. Lupi smiled and waved as Ben eased himself off the bed and headed towards Katya.
Stopping in the doorway, Ben placed his hand on the doorjamb above her head and leaned in. He was close enough to smell her cinnamon scent. She was in her scrubs and the desire to see her out of them stormed through him. But talk of children dampened his ardour.
Suddenly she’d made his life seem so bleak.
His mouth was close to her ear and, if he moved a fraction more, he could tease the lobe with his lips, with his teeth and, fleetingly, he was tempted. ‘Children aren’t something people should just try, cara. And my life is fine the way it is.’
He departed then, his arm brushing against hers lightly as he left and Katya’s breath rushed out, her heartbeat thundering in her ears.
Fine? Just fine? Not happy? Or content?
He didn’t look fine. She could see a bleakness in his steady brown gaze. Here was the Ben she kept seeing glimpses of, the Ben that the Contessa was worried about. She placed her hand protectively over her stomach as it looped the loop. So, he didn’t want a baby?
Well, neither did she.
But whether he liked it or not, he was this baby’s father. And he was a hell of a lot better equipped