a word, shot him three times in the heart.”
He inhaled sharply. “Oh, Jess.”
“A lot of that night is a blur. I do remember that Rachel and I both screamed. It went on and on. That seemed to wake Mom out of whatever trance or spell or whatever she had slipped into. She stared at us then she stared down at our father, who I think was dead before the second gunshot.”
This was the worst part, the part that had replayed over and over in her head for many years after that night. Sometimes she still woke up from dreaming about it, shaking and nauseous.
“Roni...our mother looked at us both one more time for maybe five seconds and then without another word, not even an ‘I’m sorry,’ she lifted the gun to her own head and squeezed the trigger.”
29
Nate
She had told him it was ugly. Nate didn’t know what he had been braced to hear but a murder-suicide where her mother had been the murderer probably wouldn’t have made the list.
He could feel her trembling, barely imperceptible shudders that broke his heart. He wasn’t sure she would welcome his touch but he couldn’t sit beside her and let her shake without at least trying to offer comfort.
Without asking permission, he eased an arm around her shoulders. After a frozen moment when he held his breath, thinking she would shove him onto the sand, she sagged against him, nestling in like a tiny bird finding safe shelter in a hailstorm.
“That’s what haunts me most,” she said after a long pause, speaking as if from some distant place. “Roni knew damn well we were there. She looked at us. It was like she didn’t even see us, like we didn’t matter one iota. I’m not sure she even spared a thought for us, for the carnage she was leaving behind in our lives. She didn’t care.”
Her voice wobbled a little, breaking his heart. “She knew and she didn’t care.”
Her trembling intensified and he sensed she was fighting back sobs. He wanted to tell her to let them go. She deserved to weep and cry and rail at the world. “I’m sorry. So damn sorry, Jess.”
She nodded against his chest but said nothing, just held him while she continued to shake.
He had to wonder how long it had been since she had let all this out. Had she ever?
He held her while the surf crashed into the shore and an owl hooted somewhere above them and the moon danced on the waves.
After a long time, her trembling began to ease. He wanted to think he had provided comfort. Given what he had learned about Jess Clayton during her time in Cape Sanctuary, he guessed she had simply won the battle against her emotions.
“So there you have the whole ugly story,” she said, sliding away from him and regaining control. “Our parents died in a murder-suicide when Rachel and I were teenagers.”
Violently.
That was how she had told him their parents died.
He had never dreamed the truth behind that single word would carry so much pain.
“How did you and Rachel end up separated?”
Her heavy sigh was filled with sadness, regret, pain. “After our parents died, we were immediately put into an emergency foster home. It wasn’t the greatest situation. I...acted out.”
“Acted out how?”
“I was in a fight with another girl. She had targeted Rachel, for some reason. She was the tough girl in the group home, the top dog, and I think she mistook Rachel’s sweet nature for weakness and pounced on it. I wasn’t sweet. Or weak.”
“I hope you kicked her ass.”
“Yeah,” she said simply. “I was unhappy and angry and wanted everyone there to know you didn’t mess with either of the Clayton sisters. But she told the staff I attacked her for no reason and they believed her, which meant I had an immediate black mark against me.”
She was quiet, absently petting Cinder, who was being shockingly well-behaved.
“After maybe six months in the group home, a spot opened up here in Cape Sanctuary with the Millers but they could only take one foster kid. Our social worker thought it would be a good fit for Rachel and I knew she needed to get out of the group home. So she came here and I stayed.”
It would have killed Jess to be separated from the sister she loved and adored, the one she had fought to protect.
She had lost everything.
“That must have been hard for you.”
She looked out to the vast darkness of the