somewhere, stuck in a bar, and needed a ride?
“I’m sorry. I really need to take this.” I stood up. “Go ahead and start the movie. I’ll be right back.”
I hit the accept button on my phone, and grabbing my coat from the hallway, I stepped out into the clear, cold night.
“Eli? Is that you? What’s wrong?”
“Wrong. What’s wrong? Everything.” I heard his voice, and relief flowed through me. He was okay. At least he was okay enough to talk—although judging by the slur, he was drunk. At least, I assumed that he was—I realized suddenly that I’d never really known Eli to get completely wasted.
“Where are you? Do you need help? Do you need a ride home?” I might not be happy about it, but no way was I going to leave him drunk and abandoned somewhere. “Where’s Leo?”
“Leo’s right here. He and I are buds now. We’re brokenhearted buds, Zel. It’s sad. Leo wants Quinn, but Nate told him he needed to wait. Nate made him promise that he’d let Quinn grow and heal and some shit like that.”
“Uh huh. Eli, why did you call me? If you’re not hurt or in trouble, I’m going to hang up now and let you go be drunk.”
“No! Wait, Zel. Babe, please don’t hang up. Please don’t. Please, baby.”
I wavered, swallowing over a lump in my throat at the pain in his voice. “I’m here.”
“Zelda . . . I need to tell you. I never said it, but you know, I didn’t even realize that until tonight. I thought I did. I thought I told you every single day. I thought you could feel it when I touched you, or hear it when I said your name or see it when I looked at you. I didn’t know, babe. But Zel, God, you have to hear this. I love you. I love you more than anyone or anything in my life. I love you so much that not having you with me is ripping out my heart. I love you so much that if someone told me I had the choice between being to walk again or having you back, I’d choose you every single fucking time. I wouldn’t even hesitate, babe. I love you so much.”
I pressed my hand to my face, absently shocked to realize that my cheeks were wet with tears. “Eli, stop. You have to stop. Please.”
“No, I don’t want to stop until you hear me. Do you hear me, Zel? Do you really hear me?” He half-sobbed the last question.
“I do. I hear you. But . . . Eli, this isn’t you. This isn’t about anything you’ve done wrong. Please know that. This is me. It’s always me. I’m—there’s something messed up and wrong in me. Please don’t torture yourself like this. You didn’t do anything. I’m sorry. I’m not—I’m just sorry.” Madly, I wiped my cheeks. “I can’t do this now. If you’re all right, if Leo’s still with you—then I need to go.”
“Zel, please tell me you won’t give up. Tell me you’ll come back.”
I was shaking now. “I can’t promise you anything, Eli.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I can. I can promise you everything and anything, babe. I’m not giving up. I’ll keep believing for both of us. You—no matter what, I’m not giving up. I’m not quitting on us. I’ll wait forever.”
I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t tell him to keep believing, but neither could I find it in me to tell him to stop. Instead, I gripped the phone and whispered to him the only thing I could.
“Goodbye, Eli.”
Chapter Eighteen
Tuck
It’s funny the way life goes on, even when you’re not entirely sure how it does.
Or even why.
That winter was cold and snowy, but even so, eventually it gave way to spring. I’d managed to find a place to live before our winter break had ended; I was renting a duplex only a couple of blocks from the school, and since one of my fellow teachers passed by my house each day on his way to work, he’d offered to drive me whenever the weather was bad—which happened a lot over that winter.
But when it was sunny, I liked being able to roll my way down the sidewalk to school. By May, I’d fallen into a routine, where I waved to everyone I passed daily—the crossing guards, the mail carrier and the moms and dads on their way to drop their kids off for another day of education. For the first time