demise and I’m letting him.
I imagine it for one second. Kent, sexy, forever unattainable, smiling unapologetically as he reveals he never wanted me and his one month plan was a scheme to get laid. He has professed his fondness for a chase. My stomach plummets and I sway, holding onto the kitchen counter. I start to doubt last night. He has sex with everyone. How am I any different?
You’re not!
“Raina?”
I look up.
Kent cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I squeak.
“You’re overthinking it, aren’t you?” He takes a step toward me but I move out of his reach. “Don’t start this. You agreed.”
“We can’t do this. There’s no point. A month isn’t long enough. It can’t determine anything. You’re not the right guy for me.”
“I’m the only guy you want. Remember? The only one who can touch you? The guy you gave your virginity to. Don’t you remember how fucking amazing last night was?”
His words start to penetrate my fear. “I remember,” I whisper. “I’m scared, Kent.”
“So am I,” he admits. “But we have to try it. We have to risk this or I have a feeling I’ll be this way forever. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to forget you and you’ll never trust anyone if you don’t try to trust me first.”
“I don’t trust men.”
“I can tell. And it isn’t like I give you a good example.” He runs a hand down his face. “I’m going to try, all right, baby? I’m going to try for you.”
“I can’t stand men.” I cover my mouth with my hands, but I drop them, on a disparaging roll. “Men are everything I don’t trust. You’re all like my father. Lying, cheating, unfaithful, and unreliable bastards!” I shove at Kent. “How could he treat us like that? How could he leave us hungry for drugs? How could he come home smelling like other women and how could Mom let him come back over and over again?” I don’t realize I’m crying until Kent pulls me into his arms. “Let me go. I have to go.”
He holds me tighter. “You’re staying right here. With me.”
I feel trapped. I try to fight against him but his arms are metal bindings holding me in place. “Let me go.” I know Kent’s not going to let me go. I don’t understand why. Men let women go all the time. They let us go when we need them the most.
Trust is a brittle thing. It is a special delicate gift. Not everyone appreciates it. Some destroy it, taking their time ruining it for everyone else. Once it is gone it’s almost impossible to get back.
“I’m going to be the one man you trust. One month is all I need. Can you do that for me?”
“I can try.”
“Don’t think too hard.” He kisses me softly and then puts his hand over my heart. “Use this. This understands what’s happening. It’s responsible for this.”
His words are a balm. I relax.
“Good girl. Are you hungry? We can go get something to eat?”
I shrug.
“We’ll go eat. I need to get out of this mess anyway. You mind going to the library with me when we’re done? I have an assignment for my accounting class and it’s due tonight.”
“You’re only doing it now?”
“I’m a last minute kind of guy.” He laughs at my expression. “It was a joke. Smile or I’ll tell you one of my famous knock-knock jokes.”
I recall his last knock-knock joke and that’s all it takes. I double over with laughter.
He frowns. “I didn’t even tell you one yet.”
I laugh harder.
“My knock-knock jokes are legendary. You sure you don’t want one?”
“Positive.”
He shakes his head at me. “Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
The sun beats down on us as we head downstairs to my car.
“Where’s your bike?”
He shifts his backpack on his shoulder uncomfortably. “I can’t remember.”
“What do you mean you can’t remember?”
“You remember how you drove me home?” I nod. “Well, I had Zeke bring me to Oblivion and I picked it up from there and then I don’t remember where I ended up with it. I’ll probably have to report it stolen. My dad’s going to kick my ass.”
“How are you going to get to school tonight?”
“Her name is Raina and she has the most stunning eyes I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ve never met her.”
He grins at me. “She’s special. A little psycho at times, but I think it comes with having a vagina.”
“I’m sure she’d resent that.”
“How would you know?