leave the house? I switch from the couch to the bed, exchanging one for the other. The tabby follows me, keeping me company for weeks, or months, I’m not sure.
I crash to the ground amid the ashes on my own.
“You grab her feet and I’ll grab her arms.” Becca starts to come for me.
Max comes up behind her and together they wrestle me into the shower. “I got the rest,” Becca huffs, turning on the water as Max backs out of the room. She takes my clothes off and squeezes rose soap all over my body. She gets it in my eyes but I barely feel the sting. She turns the water off and wraps my naked body in a towel. “Cool tat,” she compliments. “We’re going out today to go get some sunshine. Get your pale ass out of the house.”
It takes some time but she finally convinces me with the threat of bodily harm to get dressed.
“I’m almost starting to think you’re better off with him,” she says, frustrated with me. She trips over a bag in the middle of the room and curses. “You know what? You and Max are going to go get your furniture today. If I have to live out of garbage bags another day I’m going to lose my mind.”
“I can do it now,” Max offers, poking his head in. “I have to work all night.”
“Is that okay with you?” she asks me, pushing my wet hair away from my face.
I nod.
“Get your furniture and leave. Max, don’t let her go in there alone. Kent should be at school, but his other roommate James is just as attached.”
“I don’t have a key.” I stare at my feet.
“I wasn’t always a stand-up guy,” Max reveals. “I can get in.”
“Go and then we’ll have lunch.” She shoos me away, giving Max a stern look.
He nods and gently takes my arm in his grip, leading me out of the house. The drive to the apartment is quiet except for when I give directions. When we get there I search for James’s truck. It isn’t there. I sigh in relief. My heart is in my throat when we take the stairs. The front windows are open and I can hear football playing on the TV. This is wrong. This isn’t supposed to be happening.
Everything inside of me starts to crack.
“Max,” I whisper. “He’s here.” Why isn’t he at school?
“Good. Then I won’t have to risk breaking and entering.”
I start to back away. “I can’t see him.”
“Breathe,” he orders soothingly. “If you want, you can go down to the car. I can do it.”
But it’s too late.
The door opens.
Chapter Ten
Everything inside of me stills. My breath ceases and my head clouds, filling with dread and the desire to see him again. Wanting the thing which causes you pain knowing full well it will cause you more, and wanting it still, is the true definition of insanity.
My wings twitch as Kent steps outside. They want to blaze again, they want the sun. He’s gripping the door handle, as though he plans on closing it because it’s probably no one. Instead of no one it’s me. He drops the handle and his mouth opens slightly and his dark eyes are filled with shock and nothing else.
He looks nothing like the man who answered his door all those weeks before. His hair is dirty and messy in a way I know he didn’t plan and his white shirt is stained with something orange and brown. His eyes are bloodshot and rimmed in red. His pajama pants are ripped at the knees and his beard has grown in. He looks like a filthy, lost caveman.
Memories come back to me. Our first kiss and the taste of his lips. I’ve been falling since I opened the door. How good it felt to be wrapped in his arms as we slept. The way we fell apart the first time we made love. The look in his eyes when I asked if he loved me. I am bombarded by him.
His eyes take me in as well. I imagine the same memories are flooding his brain. I can see them in his eyes, the way they’re glossy, like he’s living every single one all over again.
For the first time in weeks I wonder how I look. My hair is damp from my shower. It’s probably stringy and limp. My black tank top and jeans are loose on my body. They’re probably Becca’s. I am loose and