stringy today. I should be sexy and unapologetic. Yet I can’t be bothered. Stringy will have to do.
I grab Max’s arm for support.
Max clears his throat and holds out his hand. “My name is Max. We’re here to get Raina’s furniture. Afterwards we’ll be on our way. Cool?”
Kent tries to see me but Max moves me behind his back. “Rain?” he manages. His voice is hoarse and blocked. He clears it and steps further outside, drawn to me. “Talk to me, Rain.”
The sound of his voice is agonizing.
“Let’s go.” Max gently takes my arm and pulls me into the apartment. He makes sure to put me in front of him so Kent can’t see me. “Show me where your room is.”
Being inside of the apartment is doing damage at an alarming rate. Memories come rushing back to me faster. I can barely walk; they’re so real and heartbreaking. Max picks me up by my waist and I point to my bedroom. Max sets me down and then immediately gets to work, grabbing my mattress without any help.
“Stick with me. Poor guy looks like shit.”
“What do I look like?”
He smiles sadly, blocking me with the mattress. “You’re twins.”
I ignore Kent standing by the door and look at my feet as I help Max get the mattress downstairs and in the back of his 4X4. On our next trip Kent has moved to the couch. I stand there momentarily, stunned. The couch is new. It’s brand new. It’s a large black leather couch. The tags are still on it. I walk toward it and run my hand over the cool, supple leather.
Kent looks up, as numb as I feel, and our eyes finally lock. His pain bleeds out and mixes with mine until we’re both swimming in our loss.
“Come on, Raina,” Max urges. “I need your help with the dresser.”
I can’t stop staring into his beautiful black eyes.
“Rain!” Max snaps.
I flinch and hurry toward him, looking back at Kent, who sits there staring at where I’d been standing. What is he looking at? I numbly help Max with the dresser.
“Don’t look at him,” Max suggests, grunting as we get it through the door and down the stairs. I look at Max and he frowns at me. “We don’t have much left. Guy looks like a freaking ghost.”
“What do I look like?”
His sad smile grows. “Boo.”
We grab the TV next, but I end up losing my grip right near the front door. Kent’s eyes are on me as I bend over to grab it. His gaze is heavy and demanding. I make the mistake of looking at him. I can’t help it.
It’s all over in a matter of seconds. I give up. I drop to my knees and let the ashes have me.
“Raina,” Max groans, trying not to drop the TV.
Without a word Kent gets up. He shoves the TV out of the door and then slams it shut and locks it along with the top bolt. Then he walks over and closes the front window, locking those too while Max pounds on the door.
Max bellows, pounding with his fists. “Open the door!”
“Don’t open the door, Rain.” Kent’s voice is deep and broken as he extends his arms to me. “Stay here with me.”
It’s such a vulnerable gesture.
I stare at his open arms and then at the door. Kent and Max. Kent and Max. Then I get up and reach for the door.
“Rain,” Kent begs. “Stop. Don’t do it. Think about us.”
“Us?” I whirl around and snap. “What is ‘us’? I’m a mess without you. I can’t eat, or sleep, or do anything but think about you. There can’t be us when I can’t even be me.”
Max stops pounding. “I’ll bring your stuff back. Trust your heart, babe!” he calls, and then I hear his feet on the stairs.
“Who’s that?”
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself. Kent approaches me but I back away. He looks uncaged; a wild animal who’s staring down his prey. He counters my step back with a step forward. We are just as far apart.
“I can’t even think straight.” He rubs his eyes and then shakes his head, trying to clear it. “I haven’t slept in days. Are you even real?” He reaches for my hand but I yank my arm away. “Am I dreaming, Rain? Are you really in my living room?”
“Becca’s going to come get me.”
“Let her!” he snaps. “Let her come. This time I’m not allowing her to take you.”
“What if I don’t want