home?

5. Build up milk supply—pump, pump, pump!!!

The following day, I decided to pop in on Sara. She hadn’t returned my phone calls and I was starting to get antsy about her.

Was she avoiding me?

I packed Laurie into the car and headed to Jordan Park, which was down the street from California Pacific Hospital, where Laurie was born. This same hospital had also been the initial meeting place for Roo & You members, since they had all given birth to their first children and taken classes there, too. Well, all of them except Helene.

And what about these home births?

I had a hard enough time keeping my place clean; now I imagined the mess of a home birth. Blood, placenta, and goo on the baby. Good Lord. Why on earth would anyone want to do that?

Well, now, no reason to be critical. I’m sure people had their reasons—it just simply wasn’t for me.

Jordan Park is a beautiful neighborhood but lacks parking like most of San Francisco. I circled around and was surprised to see Margaret in front of her house watering the lawn. I double-parked, rolled down my window, and called to her.

She looked up, startled, then waved at me to wait a moment. She put down the hose, rushed to her garage to turn off the water, then came over to my car.

She was wearing a slip dress that accentuated her slimness, making her look as if the wind could blow her over. In contrast to the whimsical look of the dress, she had on clunky green mules that seemed to ground her. To combat the weather she had on a wool scarf and hat, although I can never understand how people don’t freeze with bare arms and legs.

She rested her hands on my car and leaned in. “Have you found anything out?”

“Not much, Margaret. I followed Alan the other day. He came directly home. Didn’t stop anywhere. Do you think he’s still having the affair?”

“It’s strange. I know. He’s been coming home on time lately and is seemingly more interested in me and the kids. I’m not buying it, though. He’s only doing that because I confronted him. I think he’s trying to get me off my guard. I can’t trust him, Kate.”

“Are you going to stay with your mom for a while?”

Her face conveyed a sudden sadness. “Yes, I’m leaving with the kids tomorrow. I haven’t told Alan, though.”

Another car rolled down the street and had to maneuver around me.

“Is it okay if I park in your driveway? I’d like to ask Sara a few things.”

Margaret looked annoyed. She crossed her bare arms in front of herself and rubbed them. “Sara? What do you need to see her about?”

“Well, I’m trying to get to the bottom of what happened to Helene.”

What did she think I wanted to see her about?

“Well, Sara doesn’t know anything.”

Another car came down the street. I waved at the driver to go around.

“Okay. Sure, park here.” Margaret motioned for me to pull into her driveway.

I parked and got out of the car, then unhitched Laurie’s car seat from the back. She was sound asleep. I tucked a knit blanket securely around her to protect her from the wind that threatened to bluster at any moment.

The exchange between us now felt halted and awkward. “I’m going to run across the street and meet Sara.”

“Of course.” Margaret reached out and patted my arm. “Do you need help with the diaper bag and gear and all?”

I smiled, reassuring her all was fine between us. “No. I got it. Thanks!”

I was a little nervous about meeting with Sara since the last time I’d seen her, at Helene’s funeral, she’d given me such an unwelcoming vibe and now wasn’t even returning my calls.

She answered the bell on the first ring. She had on a red wool sweater and fitted jeans.

“Oh, hi, Kate.” She looked beyond me then back. “Are you here alone?”

I held up Laurie’s bucket. “Just me and my monkey.”

She smiled. “Right. Yes. I got your messages. I’m sorry I haven’t called you back. Busy, busy, busy.”

After an awkward moment, she ushered Laurie and me into her enormous living room. A baby play station, complete with swing, rocking chair, colorful balls, and mirrors, dominated the room. In the center of it all sat a beautiful rosy-cheeked little girl, who graced us with a toothless smile as we entered the room.

“This is Amanda. You can put Laurie on the playmat with her when she wakes up. Amanda loves company.”

At that