all at once,” Vanessa says, laughing as she spreads her napkin on her lap.
I manage a small laugh too. “I think I’m feeling twenty-five emotions.”
“Sounds about right,” Arden says as the server swings by, bringing us our breakfast.
We thank her, and as I dive into my eggs, Arden clears her throat. “But I don’t think it’s the disappointment over the job that’s the main reason you’re upset.”
I meet her gaze head-on. “It’s not?”
When we arrived at the diner, I told them everything that went down last night—the promotion, how I felt awful for not being happy for Elias, how my missing out on the advancement was clearly related to Derek, and how Derek and I decided it was time to end our silly little roomies-with-benefits deal. A deal that always had an expiration date.
Vanessa shakes her head, drinking her coffee. “Maybe the reason for one of those twenty-five emotions—sadness—is that you don’t merely like Derek.” She takes a beat. “You love him.”
I wince and struggle once more with the astonishing sharpness of that truth. How do people live with these pesky feelings wreaking havoc with plans all the damn time? “I did fall in love with him, but it’s not going to work out. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”
Vanessa presses. “But why do you have to be fine?”
“Because nothing is going to happen with him.” The words taste like gravel, and it hurts to say them. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the everything is all good here routine.
“How do you know for sure?” Arden asks.
“He doesn’t want anything,” I say tightly, keeping my tone as neutral as I can, as if this fact doesn’t rip apart my heart.
Vanessa taps her finger on the table. “Who cares about him? What do you want?”
I heave a sigh and scoop up another forkful of eggs. “Right now, I want to stop feeling sorry for myself.”
My brunette friend stares sharply at me. “You’re a strong, independent woman, but you don’t have to be so independent all the time.”
“Lean on us,” Arden adds.
“Let us be here for you,” Vanessa seconds.
Just like that, awareness clobbers me.
Sometimes it takes your girlfriends—no, your best friends—to help you see what’s surrounding you. Supporting you.
They are.
They’re my people.
They’re my family, my sisters. Whether I have Derek in my life or not, these women will always be here.
And lately, I haven’t let them completely be who they want to be—my best friends. It’s time I let them be my best friends in word and deed. I’m going to lean on them like they want, and like I want.
I crack open my chest and let out the truth. “I do love him. I did fall in love with him. And you two were right all along, warning me, looking out for me, and being here for me, even when I wasn’t leaning on you.”
“That’s what we do,” Vanessa says. “Look out for you.”
Arden laughs sweetly. “And we do it especially when you’re pigheaded.”
Sighing, I manage a smile. “I am pigheaded. God, I’m the most stubborn mule there ever was.”
Vanessa raises her coffee mug in agreement. “You won’t get any argument from me.”
I inhale deeply, feeling like I can breathe for the first time in more than twenty-four hours. Feeling like I don’t have to navigate all these thorny issues solo. “I should have told you two about my worries over the promotion. I went to Derek instead.” It comes out like a confession.
“Was he helpful?” Arden asks carefully.
I flash back to our conversation in the kitchen. “He actually was. He’s easy to talk to. He’s very straightforward, very tell it like it is.”
Vanessa smiles. “Sounds like I’d have approved of whatever advice he gave you.”
“I think you would have, but let’s not talk about him right now. Let’s do something else. Something we haven’t done in a while.”
“Pillow fight?” Arden offers.
I stick out my tongue, shaking my head. “Love you madly, but no thanks. I’m thinking we get out of town.”
Vanessa rubs her palms. “There’s a new vintage shop on Fillmore Street. I’ve been salivating over the tea length dresses in the online catalog.”
“Let’s go to San Francisco,” I say, and my smile spreads across my face, it stretches along my arms, and it reaches my toes.
Arden lifts her mug. “I’ll drink to that. You need to spend the day with your best friends. You’re not going to exercise away the problems.”
Laughing, I take another bite. “I’m definitely not. But you know what?”
“What?”
“I’m not going to