as I kissed her neck again. She fixed her dress, covering her breast. Then she took my hand. “Let’s go get started, then.”
“On which part? The physical or the symbolic…?”
“Both?” she suggested with a grin.
“Lead the way,” I said, and she tugged me along with her, down the stairs and behind the stage. Through the organized chaos of the crew at work. The band members scattered around with friends, talking, drinking. Security and management standing by, overseeing everything.
Everyone drifting past me like I was a ship, passing through. There was a certain rhythm to it. A flow. Like a current, deep underwater.
An undertow, drawing us down.
For the first time in a very long time, I flowed right along with it, carried on the stream.
It didn’t sweep me under.
“You know what?” I said, and Taylor turned back to hear me. “This is my favorite day that I’ve ever been alive.”
She smiled. “Me, too.”
Epilogue
Cary
Wake Me Up
August
“Where is she?” I asked Talia, as Liam guided me through backstage.
“Dressing room.”
She pointed us in the right direction and we headed straight there. I’d been on the road with the Players and Dirty for months, and tonight, my band was opening a hometown arena show in Vancouver, on the eve of a scheduled tour break. Which meant the vibe was different than at an away show—the backstage area thick with VIPs: friends, family and people from the local industry who’d been invited to party with us.
I brushed past them all. All I wanted was to get into that room with Taylor.
I really should’ve been with her all day. But nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards had come out a couple of weeks ago, the Players were nominated for several, and since this was the first time we were back in Vancouver since then, Brody had lined up a bunch of media interviews for us. My business partner—Taylor—had approved of my schedule for today even though she knew it conflicted with the ultrasound appointment.
That was how much she wanted me to do the interviews. She’d convinced me to do them, somehow, but all the way here in the car I was going nuts. I hated that I’d missed the ultrasound for a work thing. But I was still figuring out how to balance everything. My work life and my home life, without going overboard on one or the other.
Often, I took my cues from her. Taylor just seemed to navigate both so effortlessly, like she was born for this life.
We found the door with the handmade sign taped to it; it had a picture of the Lovely Madness album cover and said Cary’s Dressing Room. I threw the door open and found Taylor waiting for me. She hopped to her feet, her belly bulging in her black dress. She had an undeniable glow about her. With her natural, dirty-blonde hair—now featuring a few pink streaks underneath—worn down around her shoulders and the sparkle in her eyes when she saw me, she was a fucking vision.
I’d gotten her pregnant accidentally, right at the beginning of the tour. Somehow, the pill had failed us.
Fate?
But neither of us was exactly upset about it.
“Holy fuck, I missed you.”
I heard Liam close the door for us, leaving us alone, as I swept her into my arms. I laid a kiss on her, dipping her back a bit.
“Wow,” she gushed. “We had breakfast together this morning. You can’t possibly miss me that much.”
“I missed everything,” I said.
“It’s all good,” she assured me. “How were the interviews?”
“Good.”
“I’m so glad. It’s important for you to do these things. Without me always holding your hand.”
“I know.”
The band had divided and conquered, and I’d done three interviews with Xander and Summer today. Ash and Matt did the other ones. I still didn’t love interviews, but I could get through them as long as Xander was with me. I still needed that, either him or Taylor by my side.
We’d been living a normal-ish life; I was no longer so racked with fear every time I left the house. There were good days and bad days, but thanks to my woman, a horse, some incredible therapists, and a lot of hard work and dedication, I’d gotten control of my anxiety and almost eliminated it completely from my life.
Taylor was a huge part of that. She took care of my schedule, made sure I had all the support I needed on the road and at home, and made sure that the demands of band life didn’t overwhelm me.
Before we