promise something like that. Hopefully, it never comes down to that, but if it does, I’ll die for her. And if I fail, and Amara dies before me, there will be no moving on, no peace, no me without her.
“Good,” she mumbles into my chest.
“I love you,” I whisper into her hair, never feeling so content in my life. She doesn’t say it back, but she doesn’t need to. Her letting me hold her like this is all I need right now.
9
Amara
Dirt everywhere I look—dark, damp, and filthy dirt. The walls are closing in on me, and there is nothing I can do. I’m back in the hole, cold, and alone. Shivering and scared, even though I try my hardest not to be. Hoping every day that Enzo will come for me, that he will find me and take me away from this place.
My body shudders against another, and for a moment, I forget where I am. Confused, I realize I’m wrapped in a casing of warmth. Memories swirl in my mind, past and present intertwining before the dream ends, and I’m back in the here and now.
Opening my eyes, I take in the bedroom, reminding myself that it’s over. My prayers were answered. I’m safe, back in Enzo’s arms.
I didn’t lie when I said I was okay—I am okay… just okay. But I don’t think I’ll ever be back to the person I was before all of this. No. There is no going back to the lie that was my life.
I peer out the window and find the first shimmers of morning light are filtering through.
“The sun is just rising,” Enzo says softly, his voice full of sleep. He places a kiss on my shoulder, and I melt back into the mattress. We made love last night, not the kinky kind, not the fuck me against the wall kind, but the slow and sensual kind. The kind that makes you one. The kind that makes two halves into one whole.
“What time is it?” I ask, rolling over from my stomach to face him.
Looking at him makes me realize that I somehow came to terms with what Enzo did to John… to me. But that doesn’t mean it makes my feelings go away. I still harbor all of those, good and bad, which makes me feel like I’m sleeping with the enemy.
“My phone says six-thirty a.m.” He yawns, apparently still very much tired. I roll my eyes, even the king has a weakness—sleep.
Laughing, I push the sheet from my body and pull myself out of his warm embrace.
“What’s going on inside of that head of yours?” He’s been asking that a lot lately as if he thinks I’m unstable or something.
“Just absorbing things and wondering where I go from here.” It’s an honest answer. I know I’ll have to talk to Jared’s dad, my dad… soon. I’ll have to fill in the missing pieces somehow.
“James will have some answers for you, I hope. I’m not sure where he got all his information, but I guess your mom had told him before she passed away.” My chest constricts. Even after all this time, talking about my mom’s passing hurts more than anything. Even more so now, since I have no way of getting answers to the questions I desperately want to ask.
“I miss her,” I say aloud. I didn’t mean to, but apparently, my consciousness slipped.
“I know you do, and I miss mine, too.” He sounds like he is in pain. I turn around to see his face, and in his eyes, I see the terror that was always hidden, right beneath the surface. In the place that only very few know because Enzo keeps it hidden so well.
“Enzo…” I try to stop him from heading down memory lane, but it doesn’t work. We are two very different people living different lives, but one thing we have in common—we both have more questions than we have answers.
“People thought I just liked to kill others like it was part of the act. They didn’t know why though. They didn’t know it was my own personal hell or how every drop of blood that touched my skin soothed the monster inside of me. I killed because I had to. It was the only thing I knew.” I can tell he isn’t with me in the room anymore. At least, not in his mind.
“I’m sorry we both have to deal with this,” I say remorsefully.
“Never be sorry, piccolo… the people who have made us