he would take me away. John’s anger stemmed from his brother working for Enzo’s family, who had killed numerous colleagues of his who had tried to bring them down. My mom never told James until she was dying. John took my mom’s death as a perfect chance to get revenge and made a deal with the new king of the family, knowing if his life were on the line, I would step in?” My mind is reeling. I feel like my life has been a complete lie, nothing but a charade.
All of this explains a lot but not soon enough. I should’ve known these things all along. I should’ve been told these things from the start. Times like now made me wish my mother was still here. Tears threaten to escape my eyes, but I force them back. I’ve been strong this far, I could go the extra mile, right?
“It’s okay to be frustrated and angry about it. I know I was, our father was, Enzo was.” Is he trying to justify the lies?
“It’s not okay. It’s not okay I was fed lies from the start, and it’s not okay I missed out on nearly twenty years of my life.” My words twist the knife in my chest. Saying them out loud makes it more real, more painful.
“Stop, Amara,” Enzo commands. He knows I’m right there, right on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I’m feral with rage.
“No. You know nothing. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how much it hurts,” I cry out as my hands grip my hair. It was all a lie. A big huge fucking lie. It feels like everyone I’ve ever known is laughing in my face.
Enzo crosses the room to sit next to me. I turn away from him, but he only scoots closer.
“Shhh,” Enzo whispers in my ear as I lift my head. I have no words. Nothing can fix this mess, nothing will make this go away.
“I can’t believe…” I say in disbelief, repeating the same sentence over and over again in my mind.
“You can believe it. You will believe it. You will acknowledge it and move on because you’re stronger than this. You have lost so much, but you have gained so much, too.” My tears finally escape my eyes as they slide down my cheeks like the truths that slip from Jared’s mouth.
“I’m not strong enough to do this,” I cry and let Enzo pull me into his chest, allowing him to cradle me. I don’t even care anymore. I don’t care that I am breaking down in front of Jared. I don’t care that I’m letting Enzo soothe me. I can’t cope with this anymore. I can’t handle the pain that’s coursing through my body.
“You’re strong enough, piccolo. You’re stronger than anyone I know.” His voice is so gentle and makes me want to forgive him. Forgive all his sins.
“I hurt you. The things I said before Mack took you, I regret more than I can explain. And I’m sorry I killed John… If I could go back… I would find another way.” His apology seems heartfelt and real, but I’m not ready to forgive him for either. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.
Still, I let him hold me and comfort me because, ironically, he is the only person who can.
“Shhhhh…. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about all of it. When I told you, I was indebted to you, I meant it. Our fates were sealed before we were even thought of…”
“But—”
“No, but, Amara. Neither of us knew what was happening. I hurt you after you saved my life, and even if John wasn’t your father, I know there is a part of you who loves him regardless, and I ripped that part of you to shreds. I let my anger and my need for blood get in the way of it all. Even if he deserved to die, I shouldn’t have done it that way.” Regret is rooted deeply in his voice, but it’s not enough.
“How can we move on? So much chaos, lies, and betrayal have taken place,” I mumble my words into his chest. His body is warm, encasing me in a protective shell. In his arms, I feel right at home as if this is where I’ve always belonged.
“I’m going to go call my dad,” Jared says, dismissing himself. I didn’t look up to say anything, not even a thank you. I’m not sure if I could ever