I still wince. My insides are a mushy mess, as is my heart and mind.
As soon as the endorphins leave my brain, and I come down from the post-orgasmic bliss, dread finds me once more. Worse than that, I feel guilty, used, and like a traitor. Yes, I achieved my goal. Sex made me forget all the pain momentarily, gave me a few minutes of peace. But at what cost?
I betrayed my dead father. Slept with the enemy. I’m ashamed of myself, utterly ashamed.
Shoving against his chest, I push him away without looking at his face. I grab a towel and cover myself with it, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than ever.
“I can’t make you forget, but I can make you remember why you’re alive. I can make you heal. I can bring you to the crossroads, Amara, but you have to be the one to walk across.”
Shaking my head, I ignore what he is saying. I just need to get away from him right now.
“Run all you want, piccolo. Run wherever your little legs can carry you, but realize I will always come for you. I will always find you, and I will always claim you as mine.”
His words creep into my mind as I watch him reach for a towel and wrap it around himself. He leaves the bathroom without another word.
The room spins, and I try to ignore the evidence of what we just did running down my inner thigh. When I get my legs to finally work properly again, I step back into the shower.
I sit in there until the water runs cold against my skin, and I still don’t know what to think. Not any closer to knowing what to say or how to feel. I want to hate Enzo, I want to see him drown in his own blood, but there is something more. It’s as if he anchors me to the ground. Keeps me sane enough to push through this mess, even if it is his fault.
A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts.
“Jared wants to talk to you,” Enzo says gruffly. My body instantly responds to him even when I don’t want it to. Quickly, I turn off the water and wrap myself up in a towel.
“Okay.” Pulling the bathroom door open, I step out, so I can get some clothes on.
I find Enzo standing at the end of the bed, his arms folded over his chest. A shirt and pair of sweatpants are waiting for me on the mattress. No panties or bra. Hmm… Just the way Enzo likes his women. Not that it really matters.
As I slip the towel from my body, I watch Enzo. I’m done letting him be the one in control. I’m done being afraid, and I’m tired of feeling caged.
“What happened in there doesn’t make us okay,” I say sternly.
His eyes twinkle with amusement, and a panty-dropping smirk forms on his face as I pull on the sweatpants.
“Right. So fucking you senseless won’t make things better, but it’ll get you to forget for a short time.” My eyes narrow at him. He knows I’ve used him as a way to let the pain go. He isn’t dumb, and I didn’t expect him to be. I just didn’t think he’d have me figured out this quickly.
“Yes, I used you to forget. Sue me. But, don’t think you have me figured out because you don’t,” I growl, looking him straight in the eyes. When I look at him, I see a man I loved... and a man capable of killing me, all wrapped up in one.
Taking a step forward into my space, his finger traces my bottom lip as if he were memorizing it.
“There is no need to figure you out, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. Now go,” he orders, only making me angrier.
Good thing for him, I want to get away from him right now.
Balling my hands into fists, I pull my shirt on, ignoring him. Once fully dressed, I walk out of the room, slamming the door behind me. That’ll fucking teach him. As childish as it all is, I have been through so much shit. I deserve to act out.
“Come sit down,” Jared coaxes, smiling at me softly when I enter the living room. It’s still impossibly hard to look at him as a half-brother or a relative at all, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to. Part of me hopes for that kind of connection while another part is