stage, I go to the trailer. Right before I’m about to turn the knob, I hear him groaning. But not just groaning . . . the moaning kind of groaning. I step back from the door, my heart hammering in my chest. The moaning continues and then finally, he roars softly, and my hand goes to my stomach. I stand here in shock, the sounds of my heart now echoing in my ears. I turn around and walk away with my head going a million directions at once. The images of yesterday replays—his smile, his smirk. I look everywhere, not sure where to go. Everyone seems to be moving on fast forward around me. I spot Jennifer, and she looks at me strange. “Are you okay?”
“Um, yeah,” I say, not sure of my words, not sure of anything. The tears sting my eyes, and I blink them away furiously. “Sorry, I just got lightheaded there for a minute. I guess I need to eat something,” I tell her and then walk away from her, going into the stage and looking for a bathroom. I follow the signs and finally walk inside the stall, and I close the door behind me. My bag slips out of my hands, falling to the floor with a clunk. I lean against the door and look up at the ceiling, the tears trying to be released, but I don’t let it. I blink them away, and I count to ten but that doesn’t work either, so I count to twenty. Finally, I shake my head and put my hands in front of my face.
“He’s not worth your tears,” I whisper to myself, unsure if the tears are because he’s having sex with some random woman or because he’s sabotaging not only his career but mine, too. I pick up my bag and step out, going to the sink, and see my face in the mirror. My nose looks a little red, but my eyes are the same. I keep blinking while I wash my hands and then walk out of the bathroom and crash into him. Carter. I know it’s him from his smell and his hands on my shoulders.
“There you are. Jennifer told me you weren’t feeling well,” he asks with worry in his voice, and I move my shoulder to get his hands off me.
I don’t bother looking up at him. “I’m fine.” I walk around him and walk away.
“No, you aren’t,” he says. I just continue walking, but he speeds up to my side. “You look pale like you are going to faint.”
“I’m fine,” I say and look everywhere but at him. “You are needed on the set,” I tell him while I stand here looking at the exit sign over the door.
“Erin.” He says my name, and I want to look at him and tell him to fuck off. But I don’t have the chance to because Jennifer approaches us out of breath.
“Ivan is waiting on set for you,” she says and then looks at both of us. “I have the cart over there.”
“Why don’t you go to the trailer and lie down?” he suggests, and then I snap my head around and look at him. I expected him to look guilty, to keep from looking me in the eye, but no, his face is the same. Like he wasn’t just fucking someone in there.
“No, thank you,” I tell him, then turn to Jennifer. “We should get to the set.” I walk ahead of her, and she follows me, looking over her shoulder to make sure that Carter is following her. I get into the back of the golf cart. Thankfully, my back is to Carter so I don’t have to look at him. Jennifer drives us to the stage, and I wait for him to get off the cart before I get up, but he waits for me there.
He reaches out his hand to put it on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I move out of his touch, his arm falling to his side.
“I’m fine.” One word, brokenhearted. I quit, another two words that run through my mind. You’re fired, the final two words that I know I’ll hear from Sylvia. I sit in the chair and watch him act in the scene, but the only thing running through my head is who did he sleep with. I look around at the crew and wonder which one it was. I get up softly and quietly and walk out