lose your own life. “Can’t say I ever went through somethin’ as harrowing as that. Not many people can.”
“You’ve gone through your own share of stuff,” he said with a nudge from his elbow.
“Sure, with Ainsley’s cancer. But never like—”
“How about when you came out?” he asked suddenly.
My forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What about it?”
“Bet that was tough on you.”
There was a drawn-out silence as I gathered my thoughts. “Well, I was the bad guy in that situation. I broke up a family and could’ve ruined a business. It wasn’t fair to any of them.”
“Your sexuality shouldn’t be up for debate. It wasn’t like you chose to be gay, any more than I chose to be bisexual.”
I inhaled sharply through my nose. Well, I supposed that question was answered.
“It wasn’t a big deal when I told Mom after my dad died. And after I enlisted, it was never really brought up again.”
“Damn,” I said in wonder. “Simple as that?”
“Different circumstances. No coming-out story matches another, you know?” he said, and I nodded. “But I always wondered…”
He trailed off as he looked into my eyes, and I swore to Christ, had it been any other circumstance, I would’ve taken his mouth right then and there.
“Wondered what?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
“How you finally worked up the courage.”
“Fuck,” I whispered. “Well, I sort of had no choice. Sienna saw somethin’ on my laptop.” I glanced away sheepishly, but he didn’t seem at all surprised or disgusted. “But damn, she probably did me a favor. I honestly didn’t want to hide who I was anymore. It’s exhausting.”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
Julian sighed as he stared off into a copse of trees near the property line, and I got lost in my thoughts for a couple of minutes.
“You know, you’re pretty good at this talking thing,” he said. “Even though you’re on the quiet side, but I suspect that’s for a reason.”
Damn, how did he do that? How did he guess shit about me so well?
“Well, you’re pretty easy to talk to,” I replied with a nudge to his shoulder. And it was true. It was easier with him for whatever reason. Maybe because we didn’t have any sort of painful history with each other always getting in the way.
Then we just sat on the swing, staring out at the moon, not saying anything more, and hell, it felt…good. Like maybe I had a confidant now.
I glanced down at the phone at the time. Christ, we had been out here an hour already. “Guess we should head back to bed before the sun comes up.”
“Shit, you’re right.” Julian stood up and stretched, taking all the warmth with him. “Hey, thanks for looking out for me. I’m sorry I ruined your sleep.”
“I’m not sorry,” I replied, and there was another long moment of staring.
Julian stepped backward toward the door, then turned. “Well, good night.”
After he walked inside, I stayed a bit longer, trying to make rhyme or reason of my confusing thoughts about Julian. As well as my attraction.
11
Julian
It was Tuesday after lunch, and I was about to walk back to the silo, where I’d begun to sketch out a floor plan, when the activity over at the paddock caught my attention. Kerry was near the fence, watching Ainsley, who was standing at her horse’s flank with a woman I’d never seen before. My feet naturally pulled me toward them to figure out what was up, even though it was none of my business.
Except last night, I’d overheard Sienna telling Kerry about a new rescue horse that was dropped off with George, and I’d admit I was curious about him, so maybe I could ask Kerry. Not that I was any more comfortable around these animals, but watching them from behind a fence created just the distance I needed. And rescues in particular piqued my interest. What was their story?
Kerry’s elbows were resting on the top tier of the wooden slats, and he made quite the picture. Those jeans hugged his ass just right, the muscle shirt showed off his sun-kissed biceps, and the damp tendrils of his tawny hair beneath the cowboy hat made me want to reach out and touch them, to see if they were soft or wiry. I wished I could shake my attraction to Kerry, but it seemed to only get stronger with each passing day.
It didn’t help sleeping in the room next to him with only the bathroom doors between us. Every time I heard the toilet flush or